-About a Girl-

Friday, December 31, 2004

bless my soul

oh my god, this is just splendid. i've recieved 3 comments in the past few hours, 2 for my letter to god and 1 for my complaining about my family. i'm overjoyed, really! how often do you get a 40 something year old man named STAG all the way from Canada, the land of avril *smirks* telling you what to do with your life..? haha...and albert, thank you for your point of view on my letter to god, much appreciated. =D

sigh...i guess what alot of people fail to understand is that different people blog for different reasons. some just want to blog about their daily acitivities, while others such as yours truly, blog about feelings and thoughts. so sue me for having feelings and blogging about them. goddamit, its my bloody blog for gods sake, i can say whatever i want without having you to tell me how whiny i am. fuck, im just 15, so DO excuse me for going through all this and telling the world about it. or maybe i should mention that i don't play by your rules, i go by my own. All my life I've had to try so hard to live up to the expectations of parents, teachers and other elders around me that i don't really give a hoot about...and now don't tell me I have to live up to yours too.

But still, I enjoy your delightfully sarcastic comments, so if you have anything to say then by all means, rip.


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letters to god

Dear god (if you even exist),

First of all, the obvious. Why, oh why did you have to kill thousands of innocent people the day right after christmas? Not only that, but you also took away the homes of countless others. Tell me, what did they do wrong? Fuck, i wouldn't mind if the tsunami hit...i duno...the white house? but why south asia where people already have enough problems to worry about sans tsunamis and earthquakes? I just don't get you.

Second of all, whats with people like george bush and john howard winning elections over and over again...? we all know what assholes they are. why couldnt you, with your almighty power do something about that? i just don't get you.

On a more personal note, why did you have to bless me with such a miserable, tumultuous relationship with my family..? why couldn't you have made us one big happy family like what we see on tv? I just HAD to be born into a family of people who don't and can't understand me. thank you so very much.

And why did you have to give me such a complicated tortured life? gosh, what i wouldn't give to be a simple minded dimwit who knows nothing of the world, happy and content with her simple happy life.

You know, there was a time albeit a long long time ago, when I believed in you, when i thought of you to be as real as my body and soul itself. But i've lost my faith in you. After all I've seen, all thats happened, i would like to ask, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU AND YOUR MIRACLES BEEN? They hail you and your son as miracle makers, saviors of souls, something to live for, even. I just don't get that. Maybe I'm too much of a cynicist, i don't know.

I would love to believe in you. I really do. Then i could, like the millions of others who turn to you and your goddam book for the answer to everything, be happy and content.

If you really are the ruler of everything in existance, the world, all things great and small, I'd just like you to know, i think you're doing a terrible job. you're just like all the others, promising everything and leaving your people with less than nothing. shame on you.

I think we need a re-election.

Yours so ever truly, once,

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 2:14 PM :: 13 Comments:

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Thursday, December 30, 2004

Pyramid today, AGAIN.

This time with Sam, MNG is on sale and seeing the fact that sam is a humongorous fan, i tagged along to the overcrowded shop, only to try on 2 bloody dresses that wouldn't fit, one too small, one too big. cursemybigasscursemybigass. oh, i bought an entire set of guitar strings at guitar collection for rm10 to replace the too-hard brass strings currently on my guitar.

Met Rachel at Subang Parade's Yamaha before that because i was originally supposed to join my cousin melissa during drum lesson but felt rather unwelcome, so resorted to rojak-jamming in one of the studios for free with Rachel the guitar goddess.Good choice. *smiles*

It amazes me, how a fully-grown adult can kill a song as simple as the Beatles' I Wanna Hold Your Hand. A band of 40-something year old men way past their prime were practicing the said song in the studio next to ours, and the singer was HORRENDOUSLY out of tune. shudders. Learned power chords for I believe in a thing called love and american idiot, and also opening for 311's Amber. I am positively addicted to that song. I gave rachel an ACDC keychain, courtesy of Leading Edge music shop @ penrith plaza, australia. heh. LOVE her boots, haven't seen her in a while so it was pretty sweet...honoured to be in the presence of such a skilled guitarist. =)

Thanks to me, melissa's band will now have 3 guitarists instead of the original 1: Rachel, Calvin (if he's still interested) and Kevin, Krystal's boyfriend currently in NS, the first and original guitarist of the new band, to be named Guilt Trip. Good choice of band name, though I prefer Frost Bite or Tainted, as suggested by yours truly. Oh well, Guilt Trip it is. And I am their keyboardist, at least when I am around, and hopefully the vocalist when Melissa is unable to reach certain high notes (I have a higher voice than her).

My mind is a blank right now, its kinda been like that the past few days. Can feel a storm gathering in my brain...I might not be able to resist the urge to start writing poetry again. Honestly, after 'groupie', it feels like every single bit of poetry i've penned is either corny or stupid, or cornily stupid. Would love to post a little here, but once again, everything is in my temporarily-unusable laptop *starts bawling uncontrollably* Note to self-GET LAPTOP FIXED ASAP.

More later, want to go indulge in the sounds of 311 now. toodles.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:26 PM :: 0 Comments:

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What its like to be me

Do you fuckin know what its like to be me?

Everyone says, come on, it can't be that bad, well here's news for you:


I swear, living in this house is probably one step ahead of hell. Have I ever told you what my family is like? I have these siblings who won't fuckin leave me alone, a father who doesn't know nuts about being one while trying to pretend he knows everything, and my mother GOD my mother all she does is nag nag nag she never, EVER gives any support when there's something i actually WANT to do, she thinks what SHE wants is what I bloody fucking want, and she JUST WON'T BLOODY LEAVE ME ALONE. Very wonderful eh, my family? Everytime i fuck up, they make it seem like its the end of the world. No one has ever said, "its ok, try harder next time". all they can ever do is make me feel so horrible for not doing what THEY want, for not doing what THEY expect. Its never ever mattered, what I bloody fuckin want. and above all this, THEY EXPECT ME TO BE SO FUCKIN HAPPY! WEE!

And my PMR results, GOD, WHO CARES??? I got 4 As and 3 Bs, yes, nothing to shout about, but she doesn't realise that it doesnt fuckin matter cos I'M NOT GONA BLOODY GO TO SCHOOL HERE ANYWAY. Has she ever thought of what I want?? Its MY fuckin life for gods sake, all she wants me to do is study study study. Its ok if I have no friends no fuckin life, just as long as I studystudybloodyfuckinstudy. And god she's always saying that im spending too much money blablabla and because of that I'm not supposed to go out. Her solution? don't use any! Stay home and STUDY. She won't let me get a bloody job, how the fuck am I supposed to HAVE money when i don't GET any?? Does she THINK making all this bloody NOISE is gona HELP??? And don't think that her yappin away is only limited to when i fuck up, because she just nags away at anything she can. I swear, its like she HAS to shout at me, she HAS to stop me from doing anything i want, she wants me to fuckin DIE. oh looky here...val's mum just called. I bet my mum's gona go bitch about my results to her too.

And you wonder why I went to Australia.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 1:53 PM :: 3 Comments:

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i just fuckin love this shot of my brother justin. his favorite band is the darkness and he wants to be justin hawkins when he grows up =) Posted by Hello

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Wednesday, December 29, 2004


this is it folks...d day....i am about to go collect my pmr results...a million possibilities running through my head...on one hand..think positive...on the other...expect nothing and you will be pleasantly surprised...which do i follow...? thank you to all well wishers....screw you to all parents, teachers who have been pressuring me....like melissa said...today is the first day of the rest of our lives....don't mean to be dramatic but then again there it is....amelia feels the same....we will both die...together.....forever...i don't make sense....god help me....if i die...fuck..i'm not making sense....goodbye....

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Tuesday, December 28, 2004

I have been grounded. again! lovely.

i don't understand why she won't understand.

my mother, i mean. Just think about it. If your daughter had been attending school for 12 whole months in a year instead of the usual 10 months or so, she would deserve a break, right? for the most of 2004, all i've had was school school school. i only had..what...2 weeks of a break after pmr? then it was schoolschoolbloodyfcukinschool again in australia.

and i never complained.

all i'm asking for now is some bloody fucking FREEDOM. gosh....NOW i remember why i had to leave.

all her stupid ethics and concern about reputation and morales and narrow-mindedness and whatnots...they suffocate me. Gosh, she just won't leave me alone for 2 minutes....every 5 seconds its KimthisKimthat Kim get the remote from the car Kim help your sister change her clothes Kim get a drink for you brother KimkimkimkimKIM.

ugh...i swear, i've never been this sick of the sound of my own otherwise beloved name. Its only been what...not even 2 bloody weeks since i got back and she wants me to STUDY. !@#$%^&*(!@#$%^&*)(*&^%$@!@#

Who the fuck studies on their holiday after 12 fuckin months of school...? she just can't see it...she can't see how much its killing me again. and even melissa said so, after bunking in my house for the last couple of days, even she can tell how bloody fuckin annoying my mother is. ugh.

This is her:" *in an irritating, high, naggy voice* i don't want you to hang out with your friends anymore-ah! i don't want you to go out with lionel-ah! i don't want you to get a job in pyramid-ah!" fuck...she might as well say that she wants me to die of suffocation. she doesn't want me to go out with my friends or the guy i like??? WELL PARDON ME FOR HAVING A LIFE.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:18 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, December 27, 2004

oh and, i'm sure you've all heard of the earthquake and tsunami waves that killed 53 in penang and langkawi...its awful. sometimes i think there is a god, because i've seen people being 'saved' by coincidence too many times. uncle steven (my mum's friend from aus) was just in penang last week, imagine if he was there yesterday. thank you to my grandparents, uncle steven, for calling.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 8:21 PM :: 0 Comments:

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this sucks

once again, i do not have the previlage of using my beloved laptop for my blogging duties. last night, i switched on my laptop and logged in, CORRECT password and all. To my horror, a little box popped up telling me that the "parameter" was incorrect. wtf is a parameter..?? gosh. so i called up nick, david, eric, daryl, even timothy...all useless faggots =PPP nyehehe...then today i went to a computer shop and found out that my system is "corrupted". like laptop, like owner. lol.

so now i am in subang parade's mph, one of my favorite places in the world. my sister is on my lap asking me to take her to peeeee but i really don't want to. i paid 2 fcukin bucks to use this slowslowslow computer for just half an hour. bloody hell. oh here comes my brother and melissa my cousin.

how was your christmas? mine was disastrous. i was supposed to go to penny's for xmas dinner on the eve, but i was unfortunately grounded (again)....this time, for going out too much! weeee, so i had to follow my lovely *coughs* family to my mother's student's house instead, and i thought it wouldnt be that bad because i thought her niece (whom i know and hang out with) would be there but guess what?? she went to korea! lovely. so i sat there in a house full of strangers, about to cry and all. yeah i know im a cry baby.

xmas day itself was slightly better, my cousins from my dad side came over. oh but guess what! my right eye was infected by something or other and was swollen to the size of a soccerball. ok so im exagerrating...but it was swollen, painful and puffy. eeew. i was wearing my orange red hot chili peppers t-shirt, and my dear cousins from klang were all lookin....oh and after dinner, my cousin mel (who is currently staying over in my house for a few days) kept taking "artsy" pictures of me which would have been fun if not for my fcukin puffy eye.

times up, i hate this, having to blog with a time limit, i usually take a whole hour for a good post, but what can i do?

just a note, my cousin mel intro-d me 2 this blog www.svicideking.blogdrive.com because she said he writes like me...and yes he does! shit, i wana get to know him, hehe. oh and, today we went to starbux taipan and the cashier boy kept starin at me...then he asked me if i knew kok sheng and then i found out he's seen me on webcam in kok sheng's house. WTF!! i wouldnt recognise someone i saw on webcam...but oh well. gtg. later.

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Saturday, December 25, 2004


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its about 3.2o am right now, i just got off the phone with nick, im sleepy, he's asleep, my eye is swollen and its not going down. ugh, the second half of today (friday, xmas eve) was HORRIBLE. basically i was dragged somewhere i didn't wana be during this supposedly special-once-a-year period, and i had to be somewhere i didnt want to. and you know me lah, when i don't get what i want i basically, well, start to cry. so yeah...the tears were about to start when i saw all this RED WINE and i love red wine, good ones that is. no cheap airplane crap for me. so anyway i drank and got a bit woozy, and basically my mum was being a bitch and that just ruined the whole xmas-eve-of-04 for me. boohoo. story of my life. whats new? shit happens. just that ITS NOT FARKIN SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON XMAS EVE.

i was at rachel's blog, and she was complainin about the government retards who give stupid film ratings. now let me tell you a lil about how this small part of the malaysian system works if you are unfamiliar with it, at least from my point of view. ok well, when u have a censorship board, what kind of people do you want ON the board? would you rather have backward, irrational, racist, supremist DICKHEADS or your everyday malaysian who is reasonable yet responsible enough to make the right film ratings? without a doubt, the latter right? but you see, you have to realise that this is only my, and of course a significant but nonetheless minor amount of malaysian's opinion. the way these censorship people function...they see themselves as keepers of a nation's morale, to make sure society is not influenced and imprinted upon negatively by controllable media. but in order to do so, don't you first need to actually KNOW your society...? EXACTLY. let me give you an example. recently, there was a lil uproar in a local newspaper, again about the censorship fuckwits(CFWs). to make a long story short, there is a movie about a chinese boy and a malay girl, and in the end he did not convert. when the film was shown to the powers that be, only two of the...i dont know...11?7? something like that...only two of them approved. the movie, after having had scenes cut out, was in the end, banned. out of the remaining idiots who did not approve of the film, one of them asked the director/producer (who happens to be a woman), why she did not write the plot so as to the chinese boy converts in the end? wouldn't that please the muslim/malay audience? he said. well excuse me, since when did we make movies to please others, be it the public in general or a certain audience in particular? then, another CFW proceded to whine about a scene in the movie where 3 girls sitting at some stairs were combing each other's hair. this CFW was apparently worried that malay women would go back to the olden-day habit of women picking lice from each other's heads! i don't mean to be rude but, WHICH PLANET ARE YOU FROM??? since when do people watch movies and just follow suit everything that happens in the movie? would a woman watch that scene and go, "oh! i think i'll just start picking lice off other people's heads now!" OF COURSE NOT. gosh. same goes for sex scenes, kissing scenes etc. oh, right, lets just make like people don't have sex, and they won't! ugh...seriously...when will they wake up and realise that we are not children who need parental restrictions, but people who, like the rest of the world, meerly require authoritiy's guidence?

oh and if you're wondering what happened to the director /producer....she quit the business.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 3:14 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 24, 2004

life is good, at least for today, why, you ask?

i love my daddy, he buys me books.

i love my mummy, she buys me clothes.


i'm bored...as in bored of my blog layout...heh, yes, again.

but really, i'm just so...GLAD. spoke to nick on the phone last night, its been...AGES since we last spoke and i gotta admit i've really, REALLY missed talkin to him. he has a sexy voice...i juz get a kick outta havin nonsensical conversations with him about all our stupid irrelevant theories of oh just about anything...i love talkin to that egoistic moron. helo and cheers to nick if ur readin this =) before that i talked to lionel, he was in klang or sumthin but the line kept breakin up =/ its funny, its like we have the same sorta mindset, we always say the same thing at the same time.

so far, i've had 4 proposals to watch kung fu hustle...stephen chow! hehehe...i'm gona go see it with lionel *grins* nick says he reckons he resembles stephen chow...and i gota admit stephen chow is kinda sexy...with that hair n all, nyehehe.

anyway, gtg to some xmas party with my parents = boring...cya.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 6:39 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, December 23, 2004

xmas lala hoopla

hello, once again i'm in pyramid, thankfully not a whole bunch of losers standin behind me watchin me blog again so this time i get 2 think of something. what have i been doing? herm, well, right now, i'm in pyramid (as i mentioned) with val and je fei thougth they have both disappeared...and now they're back!! hehe....we ate at flam's but bloody fcukin hell the food was soooo expensive....totally unworthit at all. so then we went 2 a mamak across the streat and had fried icecream....good stuff. mamak power! =PP uncle steven (mum's friend) and family have left m'sia for good, departed on tuesday night to singapore...so that means no more late night pool marathons for me =( ok well, my mind is goin blank again...can't seem to blog around people. will get my internet-problem at home fixed ASAP, maybe today, and then i'll blog more. melissa, if ur reading this, DO give me the link of that guy's blog...u know kan? been dyin to read it, hehe. ok well people....i don't think *he* reads my blog..so i'll dare to say this....i really really like someone *smiles, blushes, jumps around* he's perfect....aaaah can't wait to go out with him. shit i feel like a little girl again....but little-girl-bliss is nice. =) once i get 2 use d net at home, will post some pix, blog more, and hopefully change my layout.

have a merry xmas, a happy new year, and DON'T FORGET MY PRESSIES. remember, giving is better than recieving =D

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Monday, December 20, 2004

OMG!!! PEOPLE!!! the last few days since i got back 2 m'sia has been totally WHACKED.....been goin out every single day...2day i went 2 sunway lagoon with my mum's friend's kids from aussie...has lotsa lotsa fun =) anyway, i gota be quick cos im usin a com in pyramid....d stupid internet won't connect in my house...duno wats wrong lah...so basically i've been goin 2 pyramid everyday...went 2 see fireflies in kuala selangor...went 2 lagoon...went 2 putrajaya (ish)....and a whole bunch of other place.s....i know this is a really bad blog entry but i got no time....gtg....will blog more later! tata!

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Wednesday, December 15, 2004


bloody hell, i just wrote this looooooooooooong post and the dumb com acted up..ish ish. im in school now...go figure. aaanyway, IMPORTANT NEWS . I'm leaving on thursday night, 1835 (6.35pm) australian time- 11.00+hrs GMT. so if ur in anuther region of the world...go figure it out urself. i guess i'll be arriving about 8 hours later, i'm not sure if its a non stop or stopover flight...landing about 11 pm m'sian time? i'm taking austrian airways again, hehehee. =D

i realise i havent been blogging about real stuff for sum time, and i listed it all down earlier before everything got lost, maybe i'll do it later cos i don't reallly feel like sayin anything now.

in short, i'm pretty happy right now, this is...the second happiest i've been this year, since club med. =D i'm goin to see 'without a paddle' with a guy when i get back, a guy that i sorta like, hehehe. *hopes he doesnt see this* other than that, there's rachels party on the 18th, my brother and sister's birthday on the 18th as well, then on the 20th im going to sunway lagoon with my mum's uni friend's kids from aus...weeee! i'm so excited, about the movie, because i realy wana see the movie=PPPPPPPPPPP

Ok thats all i can think of right now, will blog more later. in the mean time, visit www.deviantart.com... the pictures there....my god...breathtaking. cya ;p

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:24 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, December 13, 2004

i wonder...

years go by and it makes me wonder
if you're still you
memories like pictures last forever
time changes changes everything
life goes on but how can I?
lest we forget
laughing and crying
acting stupid
eating breakfast
taking photos
it slips away
it comes back
dreams can only do so much
reality, evoking nostalgia
i see you
everyday everynight
and it makes me wonder
if you're still you

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Sunday, December 12, 2004



on saturday we went 2 visit our grandparents and we went by train...basically he just hops on any train he thinks is the right one and he goes 'oh yes yes this is the right train!' and you know what? we were on the wrong fcuking train for like a few hundred kilometers...and yeah but thats not the worst bit..so we took another train 2 go back 2 central station so dat we could take d right train from there..but after juz one stop he sez 'oh we're on the wrong train' and he just hops off like that so i have no choice but 2 run after him...and THEN, you know what?


i guess by now ur thinking..."oh my god what an ass.." well thats not it.

he doesn't apologize, and he says its my fault. MY FAULT??? wtf did i do wrong..?? nuthin! exactly...some people like him don't deserve to live. they don't have any consideration whatsoever for other people, don't respect other people (including his own mother), and think they're the shit when everyone can see right through them. its pathetic, really...and to tell you the truth, i'm bloody embarassed that i'm related to such crap.

thank u to lionel, melissa, for hearing me out....=)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:04 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 10, 2004

i don't know what to call this so...'love oyu, fuck it'

counting down minutes
'love you's and 'fuck it's
don't know why this time
this feeling inside
you could be mine
would we falter this time...?
these words of my own
from my heart flown
lick my wounds
and heal them too
never too late
to stigmatize you

we'll be stupid and young
in love and have fun
we'll talk and we'll listen
blithe without reason
you'll be my salvation
i can be your poison
dreamed-up romances
mistle toe kisses
snow-shaped hearts...
its you she misses
my stupid wounds
the world in bloom
they chase the sun
they mourn the moon
hearts will mend,
this won't end
words, just words
my reverie pretends
you love me...?
love you too.
fuck it.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:02 PM :: 0 Comments:

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This is shit...im in school right now, english and its shit. haha. i'm goin 2 jess's house 2 get my eyebrow pierced today...can't wait. but before that, i'm gona go get sum $$$ out of the bank to go shopping on saturday =D

Yesterday me and rebecca went to see Team America n it was fcukin hilarious....if u haven't seen it, well then see it. hah. it was created by the south park people so of course it was hilarious...the soundtrack was pretty good...team america, FUCK YEAH. lolz...sorry val n amelia, i went 2 buy the guns n roses cds but dey were out of stock...=/ slash and donna are really playful now, they were fighting yesterday and we had 2 keep pulling them apart~! slash scratched my cousin wendy's face so now she has a big fat scar on her nose....nyehehe.

I'm stil debating with myself whether to get christmas cards or not....itz juz dat every time i give cards out, i forget someone reeeaaally important and that sux. but everyone's givin out cards so i guess i should give them cards in return...ish. ok my mind is blank now so i'll blog more later. ta.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:16 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Slash n Donna

Maddy gave me 2 of her kittens today....weeeee! today was such a kewl day...i got to skip 3 periods cos of band practice (though practice itself was pretty lame lah)...and then during lunch me, maddy, sam and sum other gurls went 2 d bushes juz outside skewl n smoked sum weed..nyehehe. it was pretty funy cos right after that i had band practice and was kinda blur but it was all good. =)

i just went to pick up the kittens from maddy....they're so adorable, they're really tiny and they've got black fur..the smaller one is donna and the bigger one is slash...oo im gona go play with them now...ta!

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 5:09 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

today was pretty cool...in the morning, i had 2 perform with the school band (on piano, of course, and the BIG one, of course =PPPP) for orientation day for the year 6s and i was so horribly unprepared that i had no idea what was going on...ish ish. but as we went on i started to get the hang of it so by the last song, it was all good =) the small kids were so cute n tiny! we were all waving to them but they wouldn't wave back so we started shouting at them and they got so scared...nyehehe. but by the middle of the day, i started to get really quiet and i was in a really bad mood cos of something and i just couldn't shake it off...hate it when that happens.

ok..u know what...my mind is horribly blank right now...will blog more later. taz!

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:14 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, December 05, 2004

Imagine all the people...

John lennon had a beautiful dream. It was a simple, awe-inspiring vision of a dreamer...he saw an existance devoid of heaven nor hell, a people undivided by countries, religion, social status, a world of beings united as one with only one motive-global, eternal peace. Is that too much of a chore for the people of the world? Unfortunately, from a realist's point of view, with all the politicians, extremists, priests and other prejudiced, megalomanic leaders of the people, the answer would be yes.
Dear reader, I did not write this to denounce power, but just think about it, just IMAGINE how it would be if the world was like that of this simple vision, if we small, small humans were emancipated of our prejudism, unmaterialistic, liberal and inmalevolent sans hatred and judgement...in Lennon's words: Imagine all the people sharing all the world. Sadly, most of you would say this is an impossible dream, but aren't dreams what motivates us all...? We would not be what we are without our dreams, and there are, without a doubt, an infinite number of us who have this same vision, this same dream and believe me, dear reader, it is not as hard as it seems.
John Lennon put this dream into words, knowing he was not the only one with this dream of peace, and to this day, he continues to inspire thousands with the simple lyrics of a simple song. Do not write this off as just the ramblings of a hippie...this dream can indeed come true. Imagine, just imagine and join us...it may seem impossible but try just TRY, and just maybe this world could one fine day live in peace, as one, as one.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:54 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, December 04, 2004

scar tissue

he replied the message i sent him today, today! *blushes* he's so sweet, but he has a girlfriend, what am I thinking..?? i've always sworn never to steal another girl's guy, the only thing that would come out of it would be a catfight and bitter resentment....but then again, i don't know...maybe, just maybe, this time i'll be the evil one...god forgive me =)

ok well today was so horribly crappy, we went to this hairdresser in blacktown cos i wanted to get my hair dyed pink but the stupid lady wouldnt do it. how spastic! they displayed the bloody hair dye samples in every colour imaginable, its only natural that the hairdresser would be willing to do it right...? ugh...so retarded. you know what, i don't think you want to know about the rest of my day, its depressingly depressing...oh oh except that, i finally went to a bookstore! *clap clap* i am a self confessed book fanatic and when i found the 'performing arts' section of the store, it was like....*magic*...i felt like a little girl in a toystore! they have ALL the cool books that i've been looking for but couldn't find...i'm gona scrape together all the money i can find and buy the books, then read read read! hehe..i sound like such a geek...pRoud to bE oNe =P

p.s....congrats 2 penny, val =P

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:04 PM :: 0 Comments:

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the beautiful letdown

oh my god...i've run out of ciggarettes...help...i'm not addicted but DAMN they just feel so good when ur stressed out. you know what i did today? i went SWIMMING. yes, kimberley low jean-hee went to a SWIMMING POOL. i hated it...so so so much...it was so dumb, they all thought i didnt wana swim cos i don't know how to swim but what kind of idiot can't swim?? gosh...so yeah i swam 5 straight laps and they were like 'oh my god she can swim!'...ugh...but i was so tired after that and i wanted to puke...bloody hell...

i'm really pissed right now..i'm still as down as yesterday...i've never felt like this before...everyone's betrayed me, no kidding...everyone who mattered...where were you when i was bent and broken and alone? friends friends friends...what the fuck are they when they're only there for the good times and too caught up with themselves to spare 5 seconds for you..? i'm not giving any names but there they are...i hate you guys more than you'll ever know...its never gona be the same...whatever happened to forever..? i just want to crawl into a hole and die....i don't want to be here but i don't want to go back either...i want the in-between where the fuck is the in between...im just lookin forward to seeing him...i know its gona screw up just like all my past relationships but i dont know i dont know he could be different..? i miss my real friends...the ones who've stuck by me thru thick and thin, even now..you know who you are...you've never let me down...screw the ones who did...i just..i don't know...i feel so let down...its never gona be the same...we've all changed...its all different now...welcome to the world of superficial parasitical friendships ...for the very few of you left...please don't let me down... i need you more than ever...

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 1:00 PM :: 0 Comments:

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the incredible high

its killing me...im dying all over again...
the incredible high is fading away so fast, so fast....
what do i have to do to be normal...? i think i am schizophrenic, no joke...
i keep telling myself that, he wants me he wants me but it doesnt help...
having my 3rd migraine of the day...is this normal..?
they complain about my suicide threats...i can't help it can i?
i don't see myself living long..i'll die when i'm 27...i just know it...
there's a better place than this...heaven...my nirvana...
no more pain and no more tears, where would we be without our fears?
pills pills tissue tissue smokes smokes love love...drugs sex and alcahol...
i wish i were a butterfly so i could fly away from here,
i wish i were a boomerang so i could come back to you...
i don't know, i just want all this to stop, to stop being so sad, so so so sad...
yes, there is something better than all this...i wish...i want...i don't know what i want...
but i know i want it now...i'll do anything...anything...
to stop all this...stop being me...?
one day i'll fly away...get back back back to where we lasted, my hearts beating faster....
can i be your memory...?
you're all i want...you're all that could save me now...
i dream you i crave you...i want...
one day i will fly away...

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 12:39 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, December 03, 2004


i realise that my last post had a dumb title so i changed it. a thousand apologies.

anyway, i'm shaking right now, emotion overload and its killin me. thing is, this time, its GOOD stuff! well mostly anyway. why? HE ASKED ME OUT! refer to yesterday's and the day before's officially this time, eeeeeeeeeee i was so happy i could just die. =) then sth dumb happened, this other guy who's sorta like a good friend said he likes me and i laughed and now he's mad at me cos he thinks i'm not taking him seriously. he's a year younger and its the cutest thing but wtf am i supposed to do...? aihs. oh, and just when i've forgotten about *Name*, sheng is talkin to me about him again. ish. and its not something good...i feel like murdering him all over again. believe me, i will.

AMAs are on now...muahkz!

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 8:09 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Thursday, December 02, 2004


today was...ironic. whole morning, i was arguing with my aunt cos i didn't wana go to school, i mean..its a bloody waste of time!!! and this time, i was actually gona DO my work, i was gona learn all the math stuff i dont know cos i got 13 out of 60 for the exam and it was ....embarassing. heh. but anyway, i still went, but i was there at school at about 9.45, more than an hour late. heh. =) so yeah we wasted alot of time again, but more people came today so it was a bit better, and it wasn't as hot as yesterday. during break me and janelle were passing sweets to each other mouth to mouth so it looked like we were kissing and people were like "er...rite". heh. i'm her cute lil asian sex toy..! hehehe...i luv her =P during science i met this asian guy called Arty who looks like a dragonball character or sth...but still he's pretty cute. and, he likes bob marley! we were talkin about weed and smokin (both ciggies and weed)...=) then during lunch, ryan, this comel guy in year 8, showed me this letter a girl wrote to him and it was so hilarious! she was going on about how she respects him and how he understands her and that kinda stuff...ryan's not deep enough for that! he's so fun, total airhead and u can just screw around with him and talk crap, plus he's as blur as me, soooo adorable. and after school i went for this choir practice thingie cos the teacher was practically begging me to accompany the choir on piano so i went, and it was like grade 2 stuff, i didnt even need my left hand. lame. i might have to perform next week, not lookin forward to it but oh well.

oh oh....follow up from yesterday....HE SENT ME A MESSAGE!! AND HE WANTS TO MEET UP!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! but he has a girlfriend, and i'm a million miles away, so so so so sad. but still, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! i'm so so so so sooooo HAPPY, haven't been this elated in ages, and *oh* what a feelin =) thank god this time my mum can't screw it up. heh.

muahkz =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 4:54 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Save Me...Seusia malam ku menanti mu...

remember how yesterday i said it was the hottest day of the year? scratch that. TODAY was the hottest day of the year....probably of my life, no kidding. and guess what? i went to school! it was quite a waste of time, we didn't get to learn anything cos of the bloody fcuking heat, plus about 3/4 of the ppl in year 9 went to camp. add to that the fact that half the school didn't come, again because of the heat....gosh. i've never experienced anything like that in my life. i wish it were like that in malaysia..too hot today?...don't go to school..! how nice =)

in the morning there was this talk about getting jobs and tax file numbers and stuff...this is what i like about school here. they don't just make you study crap you don't need to know out of a book, they also help you out with LIFE, and i guess this is what the malaysian education system is sorely lacking. learning out of a book just isn't enough, school can be so damn much more, i never knew. and now i do. =)

right now, i'm going crazy, not just one but TWO big things hit me this past hour...1, I FOUND HIM!!! as in found on friendster the guy i almost could have had a wonderful relationship with but sadly was all ruined by my mother...bloody hell i just can't believe it. ever since..what...august? i've been thinking about him..those eyes..gosh those eyes...and i thought i'd finally forgotten him, but WHAM! there he was. but, guess what? he has a girlfriend. screw him. aihs.

the other big thing is simply that, now i know everything, about why akmal has been the he has. i wish i could tell you that its ok, don't be sad, something better will come along, but that never works for me. so all i'm gona say is i'll be there for you no matter what, and even though we're thousands of miles away i'm still by ur side =) corny, but i mean it. hehe.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 5:11 PM :: 2 Comments:

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