-About a Girl-

Monday, January 31, 2005



Me: (jokingly) I love you!!!
Him:(jokingly as well) i love you too. you always knew i loved u
Me: why do you have to be so sweet?
Him: onli to you..trust me, i dun say such cringing stuff
Me: stop makin me feel so special...its unhealthy
Him: but you are special

*kim melts, sighs*

.....and its not who you think it is.

i feel like such a horrible person, in the last week i've fallen for a total of 3 guys, and totally forgotten about all 3 of them in a matter of days. im thinking of changing blogs, as in shifting to a whole new blog host thingie, because i have been feeling like such a different person lately. i now know how it feels for your heart to change interests as frequently as we change underwear.

whatever happened to undying eternal love?


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Sunday, January 30, 2005




muahkz! Posted by Hello

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Saturday, January 29, 2005



I did this quiz thing, i find it kind of true actually, do read.





You Are a Hunter Soul





You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed
Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas.
You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding.
You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force.

An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people.
You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor.
People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all.
You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone.

Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul



What Kind of Soul Are You?



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Friday, January 28, 2005



i fcuking love talking to david. he knows what to say to make me laugh my ass off, takes the burden off a heavy situation, and makes fun of my sometimes melodramatic-omfg-the-world-is-gona-end-drama queen-ness.

i just got myself into a pile of shit (again), and this is how he took it:
*some names have been changed to avoid embarassment on my part =P

-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-:
do you know another guy named jon?
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
nope
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-:
/jack?
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
onli and onli jonny
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
oh...im a good fren of his
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
jack tan
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
he's worse than me
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-:
yep...is he friends with jonny?
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
everything is black
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
yeap
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting:
that guy is goth man

*some chit chat in between*

-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
lol...i did something stupid. REALLY stupid.
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting
why
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
but i guess u dont want to know
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting
plz dun tell me u mistaken jonny as jack
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
nononon
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting
or jack as jonny
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
hahhah....nooooo
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
i told jack ALL about my crush on jonny because jack says he doesnt knw anyone named jon. pfft.
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :))
-KiM- -waiting for that shit head to come on so i can bang his balls out-
HOI
Vid - what Zen started.. me and tc are perfecting
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

i am so DUMB. muacks. =)

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do you believe in ghosts? what was that? do i? yes i do. i bloody fcuking do.

Last night, the freakiest thing happened. Its gona sound stupid at first but please, bear with me.I was on the phone with Lionel, it must have been late, about 12 something nearly 1. Lionel was talking away, when suddenly, his voice got cut off, and a distinctly high-pitched, eery, freaky ass woman's voice came on, and she was talking in some weird language, possibly thai. I was frozen, stupefied, a bit disbelieving at first, thinking that maybe i'd imagined it and the line had gotten cut. I checked the screen and apparently the line was still connected. The voice was gone by then, i listened for a while and said 'hello?', and THE VOICE STARTED TALKING ALL OVER AGAIN!

I was so bloody freaked out that i was shaking, and i immediately hung up and threw the phone back on the bed. I stared at it not knowing what to do, and I don't remember ever being so spooked in my life. Lionel called back a few seconds later, and I was still reeling from what had happened. For the next 5 minutes i could not think nor talk about anything else, I was just swearing my ass off at the whole thing. Lionel was just as freaked as me; the whole thing just didn't make sense. And this is a bit silly but i was thinking about The Grudge, the scene where she picks up the phone and there's a cat meowing, because the voice i heard was sort of cat-ish. And I WAS NOT IMAGINING IT.

Today, I told my mum about what happened, and she said it was a cross-line. cross-line? wtf is that? melissa says its when someone taps into your line through the wires. It didn't make sense because:

  • I was using a cell phone.
  • Lionel did not hear anything, he says the line just got cut. no voice no nothing.
  • Generally malaysians would speak in bm, chinese, english, or tamil even if they were to tap into someone's phone conversation.

Ugh. freaky shit man. I still can't get over it. I am off to the temple tonight if possible to see the medium and get yellow paper for protection. yes i believe in that stuff too.




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Thursday, January 27, 2005



oh gosh. my stomache is killing me. i'm gona die one day of my stomache problems.

i realise its kinda late for resolution thingies, but i have nonetheless decided to change (some of) my ways:
  1. i will not drink anymore, especially tothi (coconut wine), or manhattans, or any kind of cocktail. alcahol will be the death of me. nor will I smoke any cigarette of any kind. tak nak!
  2. i will study, very hard, this year. DON'T LAUGH, i mean it.
  3. i will stay away from the gym.
  4. I will grow up a bit and stop trusting people so goddamn much, especially girls. you be a lil nice to them and *BAM* they stab you in the back. lovely!
  5. I will stop falling crazy in love with guys who don't love me back and end up hurting myself.
  6. I will stop leading on guys who fall crazy in love with me who i don't love back and end up hurting themselves.
  7. I will become a decent guitarist capable of solos and entire songs.
  8. I will improve my korean, and hopefully my french.
  9. I will find a solution to my disastrous financial situation.

So there..9 simple resolutions i hope to keep for as long as possible. geez. 9. thats alot. ALOT.

Here's some random shit, becaus i feel like random shitting:

  • the stupid ugly dog my mother adopted from her friend loves me to bits and hates my brother, even though i hate it to bits, and my brother loves it. he also enjoys throwing various solid objects at the poor animal and sitting on it, stepping on it, and chasing it around the house with his bicycle, and thus the dog's affection towards him.
  • I am leaving on monday morning, BUSINESS CLASS. weeeeeeee.
  • I still think 'sea monkeys' is a ridiculous name for a species of SHRIMPS. read penny's blog.
  • I am having a 39 degree, on and off fever.
  • I think I found someone new to obsess about. watch out people, its *him* no.2, all over again. new year, new crush eh.



Posted by Closet Groupie :: 7:23 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Wednesday, January 26, 2005



UGH. i have this horendously horendous headache, the result of a manhattan cocktail gone wrong. 2 glasses of foul-tasting alkaseltzer water later, it is still not going away.

i just don't get me. no matter how much or how many times i drink, i will never get used to it, i will always end up vomiting or aching like hell the next day. and those koreans last night who kept cheers-ing and thus making me obliged to take sip after sip, how do they do it?? korean people are supposed to be good drinkers, this korean girl cindy is my age and she drinks SO-JU. i wonder why i can't. one sip of that stuff and tears start filling my eyes.

as if the headache isn't enough, my entire body hurts too because of the gym the gym the bloody fcuking gym. oh, did i tell you about the gym? no i did not tell you about the gym. on monday morning (i think), i followed valerie to Fitness First in Summit as part of my pathetic attempt to be health-concious and fit. laugh all you want.

That morning, i woke up at 7.45 (!!!) just to get ready. val came at about...8.20? and i still wasnt ready and i had no choice but to leave without a change of clothes, nor water, nor towel. i am so damn BRILLIANT!so when we got there...we went for this thingie called Cardio Dance which is sort of modern dance-cum-work out so it wasnt that bad, save for the fact that me and val were the only people below the age of two hundred. and the instructor, a man, was...em..effiminate. yes.

after that, i was so fcuking pooped and about to get ready to go home, when val's mum goes "go for the body step!" i thought it was maybe half an hour later so i agreed, then only when it was too late that i realised it was right away! i didn't get any break after the cardio dance! and body step was so horrible! it was lame techno music for a whole hour with unbelievable boring steps that went on and on and on...and the instructor who was a woman, was pretty manly.

wtf is it with fitness first and girly-guys and manly-women??

anyway...after the body step...we went to work out (actually just sit on the machine) at some leg-toning machine thingie, when this instructor came up and went, "What would you like to achieve with your body?" ahahha...i burst out laughing. we went home shortly after that...the only good that came out of it was that i borrowed 4 episodes of sex and the city.

and now, 2 days later, every joint in my body aches, especially my super weak back. you know what? im pretty happy with myself. no more work-out-diet-torture-yourself-at-the-gym crap for me.

I HATE THE GYM!!

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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Love Thing

Tell her you think she's cool.
Tell her why you think she's so cool.
Smell her hair.
Talk to her in movie theatres.
Pick her up and pretend youre going to throw her in the river;
she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she`ll love it.
Hold her hand and skip.
Hold her hand and run.
Just hold her hand.

Pick flowers from other peoples gardens and give them to her.
Tell her she's pretty.
Let her pay if she wants to.
Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
Just talk to her.
Take her to the library.
Take her Anywhere.

Tell her dirty jokes.
Tell her happy stories.
Tell her sad stories.
Tell her your stories.
Tell her anything.

Tell her stupid jokes.
Write poems about her.
Just walk with her.
Throw pebbles at her window.
When she starts swearing at you,
tell her you love her.

Take her to shows of bands shes never heard of.
Hold her hand in the mosh pit.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Call her.

Call her back if she calls you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
Carve your names into a tree.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Give her piggy-back rides.
Go see her band play even if they really suck and tell her they were great.
Give her space if she needs it.
Push her on swings.

Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
Make up pet names for her but cool ones not sappy ones.
Teach her guitar.
Lend her your cds.
Write on her.
Write about her.

Make her mixtapes.
Write her letters.
Take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones.
Just hang out with her.

Listen to all the bands she mentions.
Dont tell her that her favorite bands suck.
When she's sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone with her, even if shes not saying anything.
Buy her ice cream.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Look into her eyes.
Slow dance with her even if the music is fast.
Tell her a secret.

Kiss her in the rain.
Just kiss her.
Trust her.
Love her.
Be yourself around her.
Cherish her.

...and when you fall in love with her,
tell her.

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Sunday, January 23, 2005

Groupie gets her fix

Oh my fucking god, saturday night was one of the top ten moments of my life. I MET RADHI..! Radhi, the lead singer of OaG, weeee...! I am so unexplainably abundantly vehemently HAPPY! I am so happy i am high and i just can't come down =)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

they were soooo good, it was an acoustic set with only 3 guitars and no percussions but it was the most entertaining, simplicity at its best. and radhi was the cutest thing on earth! like mel says, sooo comel ;p Before starting, radhi intro-d their new guitarist (another one) who was so adorable in this red trucker cap, aviator sunglasses, pink shirt and pink chucks with one white shoelace and one red one *squeals* too bad i can't remember his name =P

They did 3 songs, 60's TV, Knocked Silly (cutest song on earth) and Slumber, all of which i know by heart...sad i know, but hey im a fanatic =PP I was sitting facing Radhi so i took a couple of good shots of him, and as he sang i sang along. Not to be perasan or anything (akmal!!) but he noticed me cos i knew all the words...i couldnt help it =) He did all these really stupid but cute things, he fell off his chair, ran around in tiny circles, and even jumped off an amp, all while me and val, like children watching a cartoon, were happy and laughing at his stupid antics. At the end, he sang a short chorus of a new song he wrote called earthquake, about the tsunami, and about even if we are all of different religion, race, etc, we should all pray for the victims. *aaaw* and they say musicians are self absorbed. HRMPH.

After the performance, i went up to radhi and he was like, "wow, you know all the words to our songs huh?" eeek! *malu* i was so jumpy and sorta star struck while trying to keep my cool, all i could say was "ehe of course, i'm a huge fan!"....and then i secretly kicked myself. so then we took a few pix, my stupid camera kept acting up, oh and he gave me an autograph too but its with val now (atten. val: GIVE IT BACK). there were these dumb girls asking him to sign on their hip, which was kinda stupid cos ur just gona have a shower and wash it off anyway. blah. even after the thing ended, we lingered there a bit longer for god knows what but then dedcided to leave. i was soooo happy that night i didnt care that val's mum was lecturing us. i am such a groupie =P

You see, Calvin asked me to go watch his performance at Ironwood in Hartamas last night, and i was a bit reluctant but since i had nothing to do, i went. oh and val tagged along. =D i had no idea OaG would be performing!! before the thing started, me, val and alan (i THINK thats his name) went to a nearby mamak to eat, and we were talking and i brought up oag and alan was like.."OAG? they're performing tonight"

WHAT THE...??

that just did it for me and val...we were like a bunch lil kids, squealing and just being so goddamn HAPPY. It was, without a doubt, my best day this new year =P

for pictures, go to www.picturesfromagroupie.blogspot.com

RADHI~~~~!!!!!!

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Tuesday, January 18, 2005



ah what a lovely day, i bought a pair of pants from padini authentics, khaki colour with zippers all over and everything at 1U. then we (me and my mum) went to klcc with yoong gi's mum and i bought two more tops from Naf Naf, weeeeeeeee!

then, we went to pick up yoong gi from tuition, then we went to klcc (again), lol. seung gi stank, really bad, and i couldnt wait to get out of the car. me and yoong gi went to the kinokuniya in isetan and he didnt dare to open up a comic so i had to do it for him, and then after that he got a lil braver and ripped the plastic wrapping off another one and we discovered a security cam pointed right at us, hehehe.

after that, we went to the food court and i had a scrumptious serving of chicken rice, very full indeed. i saw two of his friends and oo they were kinda cute, ehehe. after that we went to tower records to play with the swipe-the-bar-code-and-listen thingie but it was off because they were closing, which kinda pissed me off. oh well.

we watched this thing on mtv called "i want to have a famous face" or sumthing, it was so sick, this bapok wanted to look like j.lo so he had his forehead adjusted and cheekbone implants and all that jazz, the forehead thing was just soooo SICK.and he did NOT look anything like j.lo after the surgery, and yet he still believed he could be a model. i daresay he looked better BEFORE the transformation.

i don't know what else to say, i don't know why i'm writing like this, i feel like a 5 year old, i am sleepy, good night.


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Sunday, January 16, 2005



i was reading my old, old posts from last year, and i realised i am a different person now than i was then. my obsession with him does not consume and drain me as it did back then, instead now i am in the in-between, in limbo, on earth between heaven and hell, after a fresh-cut wound stops bleeding but still hasn't dried up. and its gona leave me with a scar. i know it.

if only you could feel what i feel. sacred love...its a love thats so rare and uncommon it should be savoured, nurtured, returned. in relation to what i'm talking about, its hard for me to love someone, but when i do, i love them so so so so so so so much. times a zillion. i love them to bits, and i would do anything for them. so sue me for being like this.

take me up, up
in your little airplane
and we'll fly up to the sky

take me up, up
in your little airplane
we'll laugh until we cry

take me up, up
away from this world
and lead me to your door

take me up, up
into the sweet heavens
take my hand in yours

take me up, up
and i'll cry no more
away from the world below

take me up, up
to a secret land
of happy things, only we know

take me up, up
in your little airplane
with no end in sight

take me up, up
and we'll get lost in the rainbow
happy, just you and i

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Saturday, January 15, 2005

Til I Get Over You...-the closet groupie's obsession-

mood:stressed, disheartened, needy, broken
music:til i get over you-michelle branch

I am so tensed up, my heart feels like its positively gona explode. stress stress fcukin stress...

its 10.07 am as i blog, and i am in sam's house somewhere in the middle of kl a stone's throw away from bukit bintang, i slept at about 3 am and woke up at 9 because i don't sleep well in other people's houses, even in australia i have been waking up in the wee hours of the morning.

back to my heartache. its like this. there is this guy i liked for a good half a year of 2004...wait, i didn't like him, i LOVED him. if it wasn't love, it was an obsession. alot of you know about it, you know how crazy i was for him, and it hurt so much, so fcuking much not to be as important to him as he was to me.

its all the effort and time you spend on someone you truly believing its worthit, its the tears you cry, its the pain of loving and not being loved back. at first it looked as if something good was going on...i didn't know, or i didn't WANT to accept the fact that he is such an assfuck, and sincerely, i still harbour the hopes that he is truly worthit. everyone, EVERY FCUKING PERSON on the planet warned, adviced me against him and i did not listen. a foolish, stupid, naive little girl is what i still am no matter how beyond my years it seems.

anywho, going to australia was like a recovery period. he was miles and miles away and it was easy for me to forget him, and good lord believe me i TRIED. i kept myself occupied, books..movies..people..everything, tried every fcukin thing to get him out of my mind. it was so hard, so hard..if you have been this deep down crazy about someone, you know what its like. like david says, every little goddamn thing reminds you of that person, his face haunts me everywhere i go, i see him in everything, everyone i run in to, and i see him in my dreams. Even in australia, land of super hot guys, i was not attracted to anyone because it felt like no one was up to scratch. THIS, people, is an obsession.

after coming back for the holidays, i truly believed that i was over him. and then, *BAM!* someone brought him up one day and it all came flooding, rushing back like a tidal wave...i lost my appetite..lost sleep...all i did was write write write all this obsessive nonesense, nurturing my depression. fuck...i am such an idiot. i'm always so driven, so headstrong and independent, but with this tiny little exception, my happiness depends on him, my heart is at his mercy, and he does not give a shit.

so yes, its back, the obsession, maybe it was never gone in the first place, only hiding in a corner of my mind waiting for the right time to blow up and consume me all over again. this love has, taken its toll on me, its left a big fat gaping hole in my heart and it keeps growing and does not seem to stop.

this is me, my naked soul exposed, my most honest post to date.
i am not over him; i wonder if i ever will be.

help?

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:07 AM :: 2 Comments:

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Thursday, January 13, 2005



Ahem. for today's blogging, i would like to, for the most part, complain and whine. so yes, if you do not want to see me making noise about this and that, you have been forewarned. thank you.

So.............

Black out.

i'm sure those of you living in klang valley, johor, and negri sembilan know what i'm talkin about. this power outage has been the 3rd one we've had in my house this week...go tenaga nasional! what makes this black out different is that it affected practically the entire southern region of peninsular malaysia, causing plans for meetings, movie dates, lunch dates and such all over the effected region to be thwarted.

zzzzZZZZZzzzzz...

yeah ok. straight to the point...i am fcukin pissed at the TNB people because today was supposed to be a very wonderful day. I had made plans with Sam and Nick to go for lunch at some place called Ozaki near KLCC, but thanks to the power shortage, our plans were ruined. and the sad thing is, nick is going back to UK on saturday...ish ish. we expected the outage to last thru the day, so my dad went to stock up on cold bottled water, candles, torchlights, and snacks...haha! bottom line is, Malaysia is Really Crap according to Nick. =D do i really think so..? nah =P

two of my girlfriends who will remain unnamed have gotten themselves into a lil war cos of a guy (surprise surprise). high school politics, thats what someone said...i can't remember, aaron or nick. one of those. geez...why don't girls know that BOYS ARE NOT WORTH FIGHTING OVER..? ish.

moving on then....some anonymous loser has been slagging off val's posts on her blog www.dotzfenderzbenderz.cjb.net. ok this is what really gets me...all these dumbfucks...they go to other people's blogs and complain about this and that...fuck...they are just so bloody STUPID. blogs are for people to speak their mind, write about their life, whatever they want really, the blog belongs to the blogger and its the blogger's right to say what he/she wants without some numbfuck telling them what to say or do. i've been wantin to say sumthin to that loser on her tagboard but there is something wrong with this pc and my laptop is in service, so in case you're reading this, anonymous, ITS HER FCUKIN BLOG NOT YOURS SO DO GET A FCUKIN LIFE!

ahem. excuse my french. =)

on a different note, there has been some really whacky shit goin on lately, here's sum stuff from the newspapers:

-70 sumthin year old man falls into boiling oil during his first ride on his brand new motor bike

-Allah's name was written in jawi in the waves of the tsunami (first an image of the devil in the 9/11 smokes, and now this??)

-cary grant was gay. HAH.

...and what i hear from random people:

-residents of aceh who survived the tsunami are now being posessed by the spirits of holiday makers who died because of the tsunami, and are asking for their bodies to be found and sent back home. freaky shit...

-a whopping 30% of money contributed by the public to help with the tsunami are actually being used for CORRUPTION.

its a sick, sick world, ladies and gentlemen.



Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:50 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, January 09, 2005



haha, i am so high now i can't even stand straight.

today was fnu, i went to kiara square with lionel. i fcukin love kiara square so so much. there are alot of people, but it isn't noisy or overcrowded like a shopping centre. we had lunch at Bayou, one of my favorite restaraunts in the world, i ordered bali beef with rice but it was different because some smart ass decided to add tomatos to the mish mash so it tasted different. still good, but different. not like the old original. nothing is as god as the original.

there was a flea market, i fcukin love flea markets as well ahaha. there were sooooo many things...ur usual jewelry and clothing, but some other quirky cute stuff as well: fish, rare coca cola bottles, cute badge thingies (i bought 6, one with a heartogram for tabitha), russian chocolates, seashells, weird shapes made out of sea shells.

remember those little balloon-like thingies that smell like petrol everyone used to blow up when we were small? u know...they come in tiny tubes where u squeeze all the sticky stuff out and put it on one end of a tiny yellow straw-like thingie and blow? yeah....i bought a box of 32 at the flea market for justin and jasmine from the dude who was sellin coca cola stuff.

we were leavin the kiara square carpark and it was jammed up inside. we were on a slope, waitin, waitin...and suddenly *SCREEEEEECH* the car went rolling down! it was fuckin freaky! good thing the car at the back didnt get hit, smart guy reared up before it was too late.

after i came home, i opened up the box of petrol-balloon thingies and blew up a few for my siblings, they were fascinated. i then brought the whole box up to my room with me and started blowing...blowing...tube after tube after tube. after about an hour of non-stop blowing and smellin the fumes, i stood up and *BAM* fell down. ouch. i proceeded to pick my self up and walk, only to stub my toe on the door and i started laughing, ironically. then i realised i was high. i would like to sue the petrol-balloon company, i can't even walk straight now.

random shit:

-i wana play pool so badly
-kiara square is the best place on earth
-weird, eccentric people hang out there and i feel like one of them.
-i shall be visiting kiara square again soon to buy more petrol baloon thiniges



Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:12 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Saturday, January 08, 2005



ok i know this sounds really stupidly vain, but im feeling really FAT...can't stand anymore of all this 'tuck in ur tummy, ur ass looks big,blabla bla'...i'm gona fuckin LOSE every bit of fat on my body...go aneroxic if i have to.

you see, when i came back to malaysia i was a bit thinner than i was before because i wasn't really eatin in aus. then i came back, mamak food everyday, nasi lemak korean bbq roti canai nasi goreng and all that jazz...i think i can actually FEEL the food in me...ish ish. my boobs got bigger, haha, but so did my ass, my arms, my legs...lalala. u wouldn't notice but i do and its bothering the hell out of me.

so yeah here's my plan...i have to tell the whole world so that i actualy DO it to save myself from looking like a quitter..starting tomorow, im gona wake up at 6.30 am (HAHAHAHA) and jog my ass off...and im gona eat as little as possible...but oh wait, i have lunch with lionel tomrrow,...lol..ok so starting monday then, yeah....im gona lose 5 kilos in 2 weeks, don't laugh, im being serious here. just watch me =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:00 PM :: 3 Comments:

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i'm bored so here's some random shit about me

in 2005 i will:
-do fcukin well in school (haha right)
-get a job
-continue stoning
-delve deeper into photography
-watch more movies(i feel like a total bumpkin who hasn't watched anything)
-read at least 20 books
-stop reading nicholas sparks (walk to remember, the notebook, etc because it is that corny)
-figure out what to do with my life

right now i listen to:
-alanis morisette-my utopia, one hand in my pocket, uninvited
-the distillers-the hunger, drain the blood
-led zeppelin-kashmir, black dog
-QUEEN FUCKIN QUEEN!-i want to break free, i was born to love you (haha), bohemian rhapsody
-the yeah yeah yeahs-everythin
the white stripes-jolene, i can learn, fell in love with a girl
-the cranberries.

i have the hots for:
-leo dicaprio
-johnny depp
-milo ventimiglia
-that ballet dancer called cooper in the movie centerstage

i hate:
-ants
-little kids
-cock talkers
-avril lavigne

i love:
-the beach
-stoning on the beach
-klcc
-nasi lemak
-nasi goreng
-teh o ais limau
-any mamak food, really
-shoppin shoppin shoppin
-my laptop

my favorite movies are:
-almost famous
-eternal sunshine on the spotless mind
-centerstage(only the dancing, HATE the script and acting)
-the aviator is goooooooooood

i would love to be:
-gwen stefani
-britney
-donatella versace
-maggie gyllenhall, because she is so fuckin cool

whats gona suck about 2005 is that:
-radhi oag is getting married *tears, sobs, wails hysterically and runs around*
-i might not be allowed to drive by my over-zealous minders
-school certificate exam..its sorta like spm. ouch.
-i will not be back in m'sia for a whole year, until the year end school holidays. thats a LONG time
-i will still be living with my incredibly stupid cousins
-i will still be walking home from school, flies and sun and all

i am excited about 2005 because:
-the white stripes' new album is coming out soon. VERY soon.
-this could be my last year in high school *winks*
-I'll be driving this year!! watch out, world ;p
- i might still be growing
-i will return to australia with a very prosporous bank account, indeed =)
-er....er...


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freddy mercury is a fuckin legend. screw the homophobes... when he sang, you could hear all the fuckin EMOTION like no one else sings. the sorrow, the happiness, the want of liberation...everything he felt just came out when he sang it because he was so honest, so true.

there's one particular QUEEN song that i can never get sick of, 'i want to break free'. because in a way, i can relate. we both want liberation...mercury, from lord knows what, maybe a relationship...and me from myself. its got a pretty simple melody line and accompaniment unlike most other queen songs, and when mercury sings, you want to break free along with him, even if you weren't caged in the first place.

is this the real life, or is this just fantasy? caught in a lanslide, no escape from reality/open your eyes, look up to the skys and see...im tired, goodnight.

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Friday, January 07, 2005



so this is all there is to it...i don't get anyone making use of my tagboard anywhere save for the few people i don't seem to know and an anonymous stalker...lovely.

club med is starting to haunt me again, or is it the ambience of that morning on the beach watching the sunrise? after i managed to let it go, forget about it and store it on a dusty shelf in the back of my dreamy mind, it comes back to haunt me...ungrateful little piece of memory...but oh god i keep playing it back in my head and good lord i even have dreams about it...save me!!!

i went to ampang today, got my hair straightened following my mum's suggestion, and good lord i hate it so so so fuckin much...this has taught me never to listen to anyone else no matter how confident their words...even the hairdresser, who said it would be better if i cut more of my fringe as to make it thicker and i did....and now its waaaay too short...WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONA DO ABOUT MY HAIR???

i've had conversations with both my parents about bangsar closing at 2 am, and they both disagree with me when i say it would not help and instead make things worse...sigh...i guess thats the thing....we the youth are a generation very different from our predecessors aka the generation before this, aka our parents...which also includes the government, the authorities...and sadly, we live in a world very different from theirs at their time, and thus we have different mindsets...they do not understand us and we do not understand them...but in the end, its the authorities who call the shots, they have the last say and we have no choise but to grunt and complain and whine and not be heard by anyone but ourselves...but i really don't see why the authorities don't want to tackle the problem face on at the expense of the problem makers, instead of closing early at the expense of everyone's convenience...

and they say we would be thanking them later on. RIGHT.



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Thursday, January 06, 2005

famous amos ignoramus

Applaud me... kimizzdotz.blogspot.com has officially become fever2tell.blogspot.com, aka www.fever2tell.cjb.net. unfortunately I cannot disclose my reason for changing the blog name here, but you're free to ask on messenger, or via any other means of communication.

Moving along then, the last few days have been spent at my father's office sleeping, clearing his mail, sleeping a bit more, reading books, taking photos of myself (because thats how boring it got), typing letters, doing spellchecks, sleeping, arguing with people at the computer shop over the price of thumbdrives and other petty things under my father's orders, eating nasi goreng and drinking teh o ais limaus at the nearby mamak, and talking to the office staff. oh and, did I mention sleeping?

Here is my usual daily schedule at the office-

  • 10.56 am: arrive at the plaza pekeliling carpark where my dad seems to have a special space to park his car everyday. i watch the slightly mad old lady as she comes to collect my father's carpark ticket. my father then proceeds to tell me she used to take care of mental people. go figure.
  • 11 am: arrive at office, greet the office staff ever so loathed by my father for their stupidity. or well, lack of experience. i feel sorry for them . i then sit down at a desk in a room specially designated for me.
  • 11.02 am: look around for something to do.
  • 11.05 am: feeling desperately useless with nothing for me to do, i take out my copy of monica ali's and start to read, while listening to nirvana and guns n roses on my laptop on full blast, which attracts alot of curious stares from both staff and client. i do so for the next few hours, waiting for my dad to give me something to do. either that, or i go and mind other people's business, talk to the staff a bit about things they dare not ask my father as he thinks they are horribly stupid. he is, basically, not comunicatable with.
  • 2.30 pm: dad comes in to check on me and takes me for lunch, usually at a mamak.
  • 3.00pm: come back, food was good and i am full. i then return to my desk and proceed to fall fast asleep.
  • 4 pm: someone knocks me on the head (daddy), and i find a pile of mail on the desk waiting to be cleared. i then proceed to clear it.
  • 4.15 pm: mail cleared. nothing to do again....sigh. usually at this time, someone i know (usually a friend of my father's) would swing by the office for some kind of business or other. routinely have conversations with them about australia, my handphone, australia, the state of the office, australia, australia australia. ish ish.
  • 4.30 pm: oh yay! something for me to do! dad gives me some paper work to type out or correct, and i proceed to do so happily. while doing so, i conspirate and make mental lists in my head on how to improve the goddam system in the office which is atrociously disorganised, just like my father.
  • 6.00 pm: secretly go online on my laptop via the network i set up. teach the amazed staff how to crack passwords.
  • 7.00 pm: leave the office, go for dinner, go home.

Terribly interesting eh? blah...its not that bad really, i kinda enjoy it, and it makes me wana be a lawyer and take over the firm and get it organised and employ better staff, because my father, although a good lawyer, knows nuts about employing the right staff or setting up a proper system. heh.

anyway, i've had plenty of time to play with the webcam so i've posted some pictures on www.picturesfromagroupie.blogspot.com.

going to get my hair straightened today in ampang at a korean hair dresser's. i used to like their son, hehe, we even went for a movie once, lol.





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Tuesday, January 04, 2005




11.02 am... Posted by Hello

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Monday, January 03, 2005

IMPORTANT

hello everyone, i had a nice day today, i followed my dad around all day to the shah alam high court, to that place you go to make people bankrupt, and to klang, there was ostritch meat for lunch but i didn't eat that, like my dad says, psychological barrier, but thank you daddy for not making me eat it, i wish you didn't too =)

anyway, ATTENTION PEOPLE: I WILL BE CHANGING THE ADDRESS FOR THIS BLOG, SO THE ADDRESS WWW.KIMIZZDOTZ.BLOGSPOT.COM WILL NOT EXIST, NEITHER WILL WWW.KIMIZZDOTZ.CJB.NET FROM THIS THURSDAY (6TH OF JANUARY) ONWARDS.

Due to circumstances, i cannot publish my new address here. but if you have my friendster contact, read the bulletin post i posted today and you will find the new address there.

so if you have linked this url from anywhere else on the web, do change it accordingly on thursday after i've changed the address.

this will be my last post til the change of address.

thank you! =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 7:01 PM :: 0 Comments:

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my 2004

Since everyone has been doing a lil summary of their year, I thought it wouldn't hurt if I did too. hehe.

Sooo....lets see. The memory of 2004 that stands out the most is, yeah you guessed, Club Med. DUH. haha....actually, it was the whole laying on the beach in a complete stranger's arms and him kissing me as the sun rose that did it for me, gosh, there was magic in the air on that beach. And did I ever mention that I saw my first shooting star that night? ok. i've tortured alot of you with this story already. i'll shut up.

Met alot of interesting people this year, mostly people over msn or friendster, notably charan, nick, david, aaron, jun, and those funny people up in penang ie wendell and some other dude who keeps changing his name. its been nice, learning from all these different sorts of people, and speaking of which, nick just sent me a song, Susy by Eric Garner...its just so beautiful, so simple but nicely composed, go download it if you can.

And who could ever forget falling terribly ill on my birthday? How lovely, being in a hospital, getting vials and vials of blood drawn out of your right arm vein on the 15th anniversary of the day you were born. oh OF COURSE, i was all better when HE called. The mere thought of him remembering that it was my birthday was...incredible to say the least, and I was overjoyous and out of my misery, only to be sent spiraling back to depression when he failed to keep his promise. Oh well, boys will be boys.

Sri sedaya..gosh. I remember how much me and val hated it the first few months. actually, we still kinda hate it. haha. but it inevitably brought the two of us closer together. and strangely enough, the fact that I was away from all my girlfriends in usj4 that year made us better friends I think, for some unknown reason. Muahks to all of you, u know who you are. =)

oh. yes. him. no, i will not mention his name, but yeah i fall madly in...love? no not love, in obsession, earlier this year. i'm over it now, though i'm still trying to mend the wounds, but I guess they would heal with time, like everything else. But hell yeah it messed me up.

And about a month ago, I got to know someone I had a secret crush on, someone I thought I'd never get the chance to actually meet. blah..i don't daresay anything else, I'm not gona dream up anything this time, just...go with the flow. yep, its gona be perfect. right. hah.

so yeah...2004's been a hell crazy year...what else..? getting high on...alot of things (hehe), jason lo's proposal to me *beams*, moving to aus, getting my heartbroken...its been sweet. here's to a brighter and better year ahead in 2005.

yes, for once, i'm being optimistic.

=)



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Sunday, January 02, 2005



Oh and, i just couldn't resist saying this...

I just can't wait to see him.

hehe...its gona be perfect this time. I know it is.

*smiles*

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:34 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Reverie of butterflies

Its funny, i realised that all my recent bloggings have been a bit too emo for the public eye, so today i'll try to blog about something happy.

*thinks hard...* happy thoughts...herm...what happy thoughts?

*thinks harder...* ok well, i can't think of anything, but i wanna share with you this little dream I had.

Last night, I dreamt something really sweet, and it was oh so realistic that I believed it to be true. I was on the beach (the one place in the whole entire world that I am truly happy), and it was just so calm and serene, and you could feel the magic in the air. It was one of those beaches with unbelievably white sand, so fine, so fine, it was almost liquid. It was just before the sun was about to rise, and there were only me and this guy I really like, on the whole entire beach, and we were just lying there, waiting for the sun to rise.

All of a sudden, just as the sun was about to break into its lovely orange glow, a huge wave started coming in from the seemingly endless blue sea and looked like it was about to devour everything in its way, including the two of us. All we could do was stare in shock as it got closer and bigger, and he grabbed my hand and told me, "I'm never gonna let you go". And so the wave came crashing but just as we were about to submerge in the water, we turned into a pair of black butterflies, and flew away from the sea and from danger, into the sun, together.

When I woke up, it took me a while to come to my senses. Its one of those dreams you remember forever, and that would follow you around like a nag in the back of your head. And I dunno...this dream feels like it means something, but I really don't know what. Can anyone try explaining it to me?


Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:01 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Dear mommy and daddy,

I'm so fuckin sorry for having feelings and the right to express them. I never asked for them, so do forgive me for whats only natural.

I'm so fuckin sorry for having opinions and a brain, I never asked to be so opinionated, but wasnt it you guys who always told me to always think, to never say 'I don't know'? And maybe if you hadn't encouraged me to read all these books and instead just go to school and have no life, maybe then I wouldn't have my own mind and opinions, and instead be your perfect little girl who does everything right and becomes everything you want.

I'm so fuckin sorry for not giving a piss about school, I can't help it if I'd rather have a life than study, study, study all fuckin day like you want me to. Oh wait...I could, but then I'd probably kill myself out of desperation, then how would you feel?

You're always blaming me for everything...can't find the newspaper? It's Kim's fault! Something wrong with the tv..? its Kim's fault! gosh...and when you yell at me and I keep quiet, you ask me to say something. But tell me, what answer would be the right one..? whenever I DO speak up, all you ever say is that I'm stupid, I speak nonsense, I'm an idiot, you can't believe I'm your daughter. wow...i feel so fuckin...blessed.

I'm so fuckin sorry for you not teaching me what you want me to know and instead, letting me off into the world by myself. One minute I'm supposed to go to church, follow daddy to the temple next, then all of a sudden I'm a confucionist....tell me, what is it that you truly want from me..??

I'm so fuckin sorry for having my own hopes and dreams and not being what you want me to be. I never dare tell them to you because you'd call me a stupid idiot all over again.All I ever wanted is your bloody blessing to do what I want, but I don't think I've ever gotten that from you. Yeah...you'd probably deny all that but god just THINK.

Oh and mum and dad, you have issues. Mum, you treat your children like children, yet you expect us to react like adults. gosh, i'm only fifteen, excuse me for having an ounce of immaturity in me. and justin and jasmine....can't you fuckin seee that shouting at them all the time isn't gona help either? And dad, don't fuckin pretend to know what's going on in my life when we only have real conversations like what...once a month?

And you wonder why I turned out like this.

I'm so fuckin sorry that you think I'm a fuck up. I honestly don't. I'm so fuckin I didn't turn out the way you wanted me to be, I'm so fuckin sorry that nothing is ever good enough for you, I'm so fuckin sorry I'm your daughter, next time go adopt an orphan from south africa instead if you want your chlid to be SO BLOODY FUCKING GREATFUL for everything.

And I'm so fuckin sorry for not doing everything you tell me to. because everything you ever say feels like a harsh command and not a simple request. I'm so fuckin sorry for not mixing with the boring geeks that you want me to. I'm so fuckin sorry you won't happily agree to anything i actually WANT. I'm so fuckin sorry for not going after the kind of guys you want me to.

I'm so fucking sorry that I'm still a kid somewhat, that I need time to grow up and see the world, that I can't just zoom into responsibility the way you want me to.

I'm sorry, sorry, sorry for making the two of you so bloody miserable.

Because I am too.

Love,
your eldest, stupidest, most fucked up daughter,
Kim

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 1:28 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Saturday, January 01, 2005



You know what...im fuckin sick of the comments on my letter to god...

Just in case you would think otherwise, we don't have to be at odds just because our different views on religion...two people arent friends just cos they worship the same god, so seriously, if you have a problem with my opinion and just so happen to be on good terms with me before that, just ignore it ok, and my ever so malevolent view of the world shall never be heard of from you again. I'm so bloody fuckin sorry if I've offended you. Really.

And just for the record...DY doesn't take himself nor what he says too seriously, so I suggest you don't either.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:33 AM :: 1 Comments:

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