-About a Girl-

Tuesday, November 29, 2005



On Monday, I decided: enough of this moping around shit, its time to get off my sorry ass and make things happen. Thus, I began Mission Get Over Sam, also known as Operation Get a Life You Sad Motherfucker Because You've Ditched Almost Everyone For This Guy And Now Its Time To Get Some Sort Of Social Life Happening. Long winded? possibly. Straightforward? Fuck yeah.

So here's what I did:
Since last wednesday, I've met 4 new guys. Yep peeps, FOUR guys in less than a week. I constantly amaze myself; I'm doing bloody well for someone who just got dumped by possibly the first guy she's actually loved.

Yep, Operation Get a Life You Sad Motherfucker Because You've Ditched Almost Everyone For This Guy And Now Its Time To Get Some Sort Of Social Life Happening is working out well.

sidenote: I found enlightenment last night on of all things, a blue sheet of A4 paper, headed "a creed to live by". There seems to be a piece of advice for anything on that single sheet of processed-bleached-pressed wood, and I might post it up here one day. It said: The quickest way to lose love is to hold on to it too tightly, and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

I guess I held on a bit too tight. No doubt about that. So here I go, I'mma make my own happiness and give this love some feathered ones, and let it fly. If it comes back, I couldn't possibly be happier, but if it doesn't, hey, I'll live... and it would never have been mine to keep in the first place. =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:33 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, November 28, 2005

I'm Lost; I'm yours.

You know what? Come saturday, I was over it. Or so I thought. It didn't hurt anymore, even when I thought about the hollowness and this big fcuking hole that's left, I felt no remorse.
I thought, "Wow this is amazing! I'm ok now! I can start living again! And its only been 3 days! I'm amazing! Talk about strength!"

After I was at the library, I went for lunch by myself to this place we went to alot just cos I was hungry and I like the food there, and when the lady asked me, "No sam today?" it all came creeping back. Slowly at first, while I was eating, seeing how I was sitting by myself and getting funny stares from people.

Went for an ice coffee and people watched just to get my mind off things...then he called.

I wanted to just let it ring and not pick up; I picked it up.
I wanted to tell him to fuck off; instead I said hello and how are you like I always do.
I wanted to just hang up in the middle of him talking; instead I listened and let him talk, and pretended everything was alright.
I wanted to be rude and arrogant; I couldn't, and was instead nice and sweet like I always am to him. I can't help it.

We talked for close to half an hour about nothing at all...it was like a quick fix of coke that I needed to keep me going, and I let it set in. After that, I was happy again, yet wanted to slap myself. I realised I could never have the heart to be mean or cold or in anyway negative to the guy; its just not in me to do it to him.

Even talking to steven yesterday (sharing our tales of woe as amie just broke up with him as well on saturday), I could only say nice things and pine for the beginning, when it was all butterflies and smiles. It only made it worse, but I couldn't help it.

Listening to James Blunt's goodbye my lover this morning, it started to feel like wednesday night again; everything bowled over and those damn tears came again. Maybe its just this song..

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

...why does he say goodbye if she's been the one for him?

How do you cope with losing someone who's had plans and big dreams for you, when you didn't have any for yourself, who saw things in you that you yourself didn't know you had, who inspired you to become so much a bigger and better person?

Where do you go and what do you do when you've lost whats become your guide and direction?

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:55 AM :: 4 Comments:

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Saturday, November 26, 2005

psycho stalker crazy girl

I think I'm turning psycho.

Its 1 pm, and i'm in the library. Why? Cos the next door neighbour was having a an atrociously boring birthday party and I knew that if I stayed I might've ended up cutting my eyes out, so on impulse, I made the excuse to say that I had to go to Penrith to meet sum people.

They insisted on sending me to the bus stop. pfffft.

So here I am, with 3 hours to kill. At the bus stop, this guy came up to me and asked where to wait for the bus...we started talking, and I wanted company (read: psycho), so I asked about his Uni and stuff.

So we talked, and somehow I got to telling him about how I got dumped (side note: amazingly, I'm over it alreday), and he started asking bout the culprit, so I spilt.

Turns out the guy went to school with him, and they know each other. ish.

He came to penrith to pick up a shirt for a wedding in singapore or sum shit, so I went with him cos I've got nuthin better to do...now I'm sorta wondering why I did. he probably thinks I'm crazy or something, and was probably thinking that was why I was binned. But I swear I'm not a stalker nor was I trying to pick up the poor dude, just trying to kill time. Now I'm just counting my lucky stars that they don't keep in touch, and the guy I met on the bus is going to s'pore tomorrow, so he won't have time to go warn the world of my stalker crazy psycho girl tendencies.

So, um, guy from the bus (I think your name was Farhad), if you're reading this, I apologise for my weirdness. Just forget you met me, and shhh don't tell anyone, in case they happen to be my potential love interest.

Great going, Kim, another person you can tick off your list of people you've scared away. Someone please reassure me that there's nothing wrong with me. Or maybe I really am crazy.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 12:59 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 23, 2005



I know I said I wouldn't blog again for a while, but...I got dumped.

Yep, today was such a fucking awesome day....went to the markets with amie and ty, got some clothes, my formal dress (finally! for 25 bucks!), had plenty of starbucks, went to see elizabethtown with sam...and then i got dumped.

Its just ironic, while we were sitting there cuddling, and I remember thinking,

"I feel so safe and protected when I'm with you."

I didnt throw a fit when the bomb dropped, I just kept quiet. What do you say to someone who, right after watching an awesome movie with you, tells you that "I think we should just be better friends, and not anything more...but don't get the wrong idea"?

And truth betold, I'm not really that bitter. Cos I kinda got the whole 'perfect relationship' thing outta my head some time ago, so I knew what to expect. I don't hate him or anything....But I hope I don't ever see his face again.

So here's saying goodbye to the one person who made me happy for the past few months...I guess its back to the real world for now. Some sympathy, please. Its hard to let go of something you've grown attached to.

And hey, this leaves me free to flirt all I want with that dude from starbucks.

His name's michael.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 7:10 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Welcome to the club

Chickas, especially if, like me, you're the type who likes to hang out with guys, feel my pain. I'm sure you've been in this situation before: You meet a cool guy, you hang out and have lotsa fun but its just a friends thing, until you find out the guy digs you but you don't dig him/are attached, and everything goes weird. Bam, there goes another friendship. What can you do about it? Men are men, and they will gladly hang out with you 24/7 on the sole basis that they find you attractive. pfffft.

Men are assholes. Really. If you still harbour romantic hopes of a perfect relationship, well, forget it. Honestly. And this is coming from me, queen of I-think-every-relationship-is-gona-be-THE-one.

On another note: You know how you're brought up a certain way with certain values and ideals in your head that you stick to, no matter how the situations of the people around you seem to prove otherwise?

Until it happens to you, and your whole view on life changes.

The best way to put it would be that its one of those thing where you think, "that would never happen to me", and then it happens, and then what? I cried, then I got over it amazingly fast. No, I'm not pregnant, and no, I did not have devastatingly dissapointing sex. Thats not the point. Like I always do, I analysed the whole thing, thought of the consequences...and life went back to normal, as if nothing ever happened.

I went out, distracted myself with everything imaginable struggling not to think about it, but I quickly discovered you can never stop thinking about something like this. No matter how hard I tried to push the thoughts away, they always come back. It lurks in the back of your mind the way the aftertaste of blood stays in your mouth. I guess its true that you can't run from your problems.

But then what do you do? Its funny, the one person I thought I could turn to seems to be too wrapped up in his own life to have the time. Like they say, every man's an island. You can't trust anyone, not even your family, and certainly not your motherfucking boyfriend. I repeat: as adorable and sweet and attractive as they may be, in the end men are assholes. Its not your fault, alot of you men fit the description unintentionally, and I think even alot of you would agree to that. Don't attach yourself to one, just use them for for sex and companionship and nothing gets broken.

Nothing's eternal, not even true love, whatever the fuck that is.

That having been said, I won't be blogging for a while. I need to get my head straight, and the net ain't helping. See you guys inKL, drop me an email if you wana meet.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:56 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, November 21, 2005



I fcuking hate travel agencies. Sta travel, flight centre, studentflight, whatever, it doesnt mattter to me, I fcuking hate all of you.

And I hate banks too.

especially National Bank.

motherfuckers.

My flight to M'sia was this special fare thingie I got thru STA travel since my parents are very very kiam siap, and in order to get this ticketed, I had to pay within 3 days of booking the ticket, and this was saturday. That one nevermind, fair enough right? I told em my dad would pay and they said, all good, they'll send him an authorisation form.

Come today, they called me up at some stupid hour in the morning in the middle of my oh so sweet dream (making out with sam on the beach) and asked me if I'm gona go and pay today.

wtf?wtf?wtf?

Then I found out my dad's goin to court today (lawyer, not criminal) so he can't do it, hence my only option left was to pay by cash. And my bank account has like what, 50 bucks? Ooooh, but that one STIL nvm, I had like 2 hours left. plenty of time. So I called my mummy, and I managed to get some money from her account into mine. BUT, I was in the middle of curling my hair with them iron tongs thingies. And that took another half an hour. ok I know I'm vain, but thats not the point.

I got to town at 4.20 pm only to find....the bank was closed. What kind of bank closes at 4?? all the other close at 5. lazy national gaybos. And by this time I was panicking and sweaty from running to the bank, and my real only choice left was the atm. I can't remember pin numbers. Only vaguely remembered this one, so I typed it in and, holy shit it worked! and then when I pressed the 'withdraw' button, it told me its the wrong pin. pfffft. So I did the whole thing again, wrong pin again. and again. I must've done this about 4 times while swearing profusedly at the machine, attracting some weird stares but finally, it worked.

Then the fcuking thing told me I can only withdraw 1000 bucks a day, and my ticket is 1400 or sth. With only 20 minutes left, my only choices left were to:
  • run around penrith and ask people for their spare change (and then some)
  • run to my restaraunt and ask my boss for some cash
  • pray that the travel agents love me enough to lend me 400 bucks.
So I thought practically: who would be willing to lend me 400 bucks, and actually have it too? Enter Sam. I call him up to discover that, of course he's more than happy to come up with the cash, except he's in the hospital with a broken finger. *sigh*

This was when, breatheless and hopeless, I gave up all hope of going back to M'sia before ame's birthday which is on the 6th of december (see, i'm such a good friend). And so I then retired to the new starbucks and ordered a green tea frap, where the barista was oh so cute and flirty. But thats another story.

How now? Better start building a boat and learn to navigate thru the sea.

HAH! Look! I just found an even cheaper flight on the internet! *Books flight*

Travel agencies. sheesh. when will they learn?

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:32 PM :: 5 Comments:

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So a few days ago in Penrith, this guy Greg got stabbed in the face. IN THE FACE. Motherfuckers.

To my own surprise, I wasn't too shocked when I heard it; nothing's shocking to me anymore and I take it as a bad thing. But Penrith is, after all, full of wanna-be mofos looking for an excuse to look tough. And when I say full, I mean as in literally 80% of the kids living here think they're gangsta but are in fact try hard pussies. Or maybe its just cos I don't like that greg kid too much...He was kicking flowers in front of the library and when Sam yelled at him, he smiled back like some stupid idiot and that look on his face made me want to kick him in the nuts. And on other occasions when I spoke to him, he really gave me the impression that he had no balls.

But still, thats no reason not to feel sorry for the dude, and I do. Don't laugh, but he had to have plastic surgery to fix his face. He was stabbed with a broken bottle, and another girl got hit in the head.

Motherfuckers.

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Last night, I dyed my hair with L'oreal Feria blablabla in some shimmery light brown colour and...I love it! I was paranoid that I would look lala but I don't! Kinda makes me why I didnt do this earlier. I'm putting in some purple when I get back to M'sia. 2 weeks. Yeeeeaaah.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:23 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

Universally speaking

now I ain't sayin she's a gold digger
but she ain't messin with no broke niggas..

Oh man, I'm lovin Kanye West...in fact, I'm also loving lyrics born, wu tang clan, fugees, sarah jones, public enemy, old black eyed peas stuff...I'm just lovin the rap. Incredibly weird since, just a year ago, I passionately refused to listen to it, and now its all I listen to. Damn you, sam. Granted, I still won't listen to the likes of Chingy/50 cent/eminem/that stupid humps song because they down right suck, but I'm beginning to realise that, hey, rap music can actually be pretty decent stuff. Especially the old school beats.

I think that people who only listen to one genre of music are elitist mofos, me included. All I used to listen to was rock rock and more rock. But hanging out with all these weird whacky wonderful people over the past year's opened my ears up to alot. Why listen to just one kind of music when there's so damn much this world has to offer?

I remember as a kid, there was this ONE rap song I listened to - Gangsta's paradise, i fcuking loved it even though I had no idea what it was about. This was when I was about 7 or 8, when it was still socially exceptable to be listening to cassette tapes, and this particular song was on the Grammy Nominees 1996 compilation. I think I bought it cos of the lemon tree song.

I wonder how
I wonder why
yesterday you told me bout the blue blue sky
and all that I can see
Is just another lemon tree

Ah, the good ol days in blue and white uniforms singing songs we didn't understand. Remember that?

Music is universal, plain and simple. You can distort it, bastardise it, classify and divide it into a million different genres but in the end, music is what it is: the most powerful medium in the world, and THAT, people, is why you should never write off a song before even listening to it.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 5:27 PM :: 0 Comments:

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*edited for like the 1263467th time* Disclaimer: As a good friend, I thought it would be in Penny's aka Suet Mei of www.pennypupz.ravishing.net best interest that i should let it be known that she is in no way married or romantically linked to Frus aka Choon How of frus.blogdrive.com. Yet. So if you're male, single, malaysian and interested, Penny is, POSSIBLY, single and looking, so if you find that she is coming on to you, make the move!

*Bright and chirpy tone* Hello, dear reader! How are you?? It's 1.30 am here and I'm having a helluva time ;p

Lately, I've been playing matchmaker to some single peers of mine and having a ball at it. My most recent victims were Penny and Frus.

Crunch time, and I blog in true barry style:


Frus O'Gehry says:
ehem
Frus O'Gehry says:
suet mei?

-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
bringing up some history
-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
kinda stoned atm
-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
sorry

Frus O'Gehry says:
ive always wanted to tell u something

Kiiiiiiim - M'sia in 3 weeks. HELL YEAH! says:
wah so fast

Frus O'Gehry says:
*gives lalang ring*

Kiiiiiiim - M'sia in 3 weeks. HELL YEAH! says:
*music*

-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
...

Kiiiiiiim - M'sia in 3 weeks. HELL YEAH! says:
*doves fly, fill up the sky*

Frus O'Gehry says:
what i wanted to tell is that...

Kiiiiiiim - M'sia in 3 weeks. HELL YEAH! says:
*violins*

-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
....

Frus O'Gehry says:
I.... I.....

-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
cant u be a lil teeny weeny bit realisitc
-SuetMei- are u a cherryboi? says:
tq

Frus O'Gehry says:
I.... am not gay

*sigh* all that suspense for nothing. Oh well, that should clear things up then...at least now we know fo sho that frus is not la hor, penny? ;p

3 more weeks to M'sia. I CAN'T WAIT.


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Friday, November 18, 2005

click click

Today was weird. It was one of those days where so much happens, you encounter so many people, but yet you still feel so ostracised and solitary.

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I went for my last ever guitar lesson at school after 6, 7 months of guitar lessons every week just so I could skip classes. It was weird saying bye to my teacher; what do you say to a person you've spent half an hour with every week for the past few months, yet know virtually nothing about?

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Anyway, I also booked my air ticket to M'sia....its confirmed people, I'm touching down at 11.45 pm on the 4th of December (Sunday). I'm gona be there for almost 2 months this time, which I think is crazy long. On one hand I'm gona have all the time in the world to meet up with everyone I didn't get to the last time around, but then again, I'm risking my jobs here. ANd I don't know how I'm gona get thru being away from someone who's been my rock for the past few months. Then again, hey, its me, I'll live.

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I THINK I had lunch with amie today at the new plaza before she went to work, or was it yesterday? My memory (or lack of) is killing me.

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Went to the library to kill the 5 hours I had left til it was time for work, and....I fell asleep in front of everyone, reading the end of Bob Dylan's Chronicles Volume 1. That book is amazing yet so tiring to read. I THINK I talked to tyree who was telling me that Tabitha looks like a mushroom/kid with down's syndrome after her new haircut. It must suck to look like a mushroom and down's syndrome patient at the same time.

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Had a latte to wake up; I'm dissapointed in myself, I've become caffeine dependent again after about 3 months of abstinence from all harmful substances.

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Work was weird as well, but in a good way. Kelly, the other boss's niece was there; she's fun. I don't know why, but it felt like I hadn't met someone I could have such an easy conversation with in such a long time. Its like I didn't have to make an effort to be funny/smart/impressive, the conversation just flowed and silence wasn't awkward.

We'd met her once before when I went there to eat with Sam before I started working there, and when I was on the phone with him tonight and telling him about it, he said "oh, the pretty one?" and I got miffed. I get so fcuking jealous its not funny. I wish I weren't dependent on others for my happiness, the way bob dylan described his wife.

Emotional independence does not come easy.

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*click* like my photos? I'm proud.

Sam might be coming to Malaysia. Fuck, this is gona be fun.


Posted by Closet Groupie :: 12:35 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 16, 2005



Australia won the world cup qualifiers against uruguay!!!!

after 31 years!!!!!!1111oneoneoneeleveneleven

.....AND I TOTALLY FORGOT ABOUT THE MATCH UNTIL THE PENALTY SHOOTOUT.

I blame the internet for keeping me away from the real world these past few days.

And why didn't anyone tell me? Huh? Did you not know I'm a fan of soccer, from the Man U poster up in my room to my pink soccer jersey that says Italia??? Damn you sam, I bet you didn't even plan on going til today or yesterday.

But yeah, Australia won, and its all cos of John Safran and his chicken sacrificing ritual with the witch doctor in Mozambique. and I swear I'm not a freak.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 8:22 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Have YOU seen my family?

Uh oh. Help help.

My family's missing.

Ok this is damn weird lah. Since this morning I've been calling my house in M'sia to get my mum to pay for my air ticket, and no one's picked up the phone. Called both my mummy's and daddy's hp, and no answer. This is weird because:
  • even if my family wasn't home, our maid would pick it up.
  • my mum never leaves the house without her hp.
  • At first I thought, maybe its Ching Ming time (when everyone goes to clean up the graveyards of dead ones and give offerings etc) so they must've left early in the morning, but, hey, its November and isn't Ching ming in like April or something?
So yeah, fuckety fuck, has anyone seen my family?

Tell you how to spot them, damn easy one:
  • My two sibs, about 5 years old, a boy and a girl, and the boy is bigger than the girl and eats damn alot, even though they are twins. They are both very cute and adorable, just like their big sister. The boy is chubby and round, resembles winnie the pooh, and the girl is small and dainty but damn pretty, once again, looks just like her big sister.
  • Middle aged woman, about 5 ' 2, dresses quite classy and speaks funny bm.
  • Middle aged man, about 5' 6 or 5' 7, always wearing business shirt with sleeves rolled up, glasses, curly hair, pot belly.
  • You'll instantly be able to tell its them because when the whole family is out together,there are about 3 or 4 languages spoken: My bro and sis converse in english, while my mother sometimes uses Korean, while my dad tries, TRIES to speak in mandarin with the twins who don't seem to understand it one bit, and sometimes some BM will shoot out of nowhere, usually from my dad trying to make his kids multi-lingual.

So there you go, thats my family and how to spot them. I need to talk to my mummy who will pay for my air ticket, otherwise this lil girl will be stuck here forever =(

Have YOU seen the Lows today?

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 12:00 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 15, 2005

In Between Dreams

I've been a total bitch yesterday, so here's a public apology to everyone I've been rude to(which would've probably been every other person I encountered).

Newtown Love Fest was on Sunday, but we ended up spending more time at the Spanish Fiesta in the city....there's something so mesemerising about bongo drums to me.

Woke at about 6.30 this morning...this whole waking up at a crazy hour business is starting again! All I've been doing these days is just sitting around and wasting all my time...and it feels great. The mere fact that I could now be finished with high school is just so weird, its long-awaited yet its come too soon.

This morning I watched "The Natural History of the Chicken", which is, just as the title suggests, a documentary about chickens (and the very *ahem* normal and un-pathetic people who are in love with them), something Sam's been raving about and bugging me to watch...now I'll never look at chickens the same way.

Val, your very belated present is on the way, its worth the wait, hold tight.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:45 AM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, November 10, 2005



Man, I'm one confused chicka.

Don't wanna sound whiney, but with a brain like mine, you're bound to break into spastic bouts of confusion every once in a while. All I do is think and theorise and analyse situations and relationships to the point of paranoia, which would then in turn always fuck up my otherwise quite level and reasonable view on the world.

Example : I'm asking myself why it is that, even though I'm hanging out with the perfect guy who's everything I ever wanted and more, I'm still falling for someone else. Does this mean that the perfect guy could possible be, *gasp*, NOT the one? Perhaps there is no such thing as the one, and instead like he says, you meet someone, fall in love, maybe even get married and have kids, but in the end you fall out of love and start all over again with someone new. So if it IS indeed so, then why do some people have everlasting relationships? How does THAT work? And why the fuck am I falling for someone else? Is there no limit to the want of satisfaction?

...and it goes on and on.

The worst thing is, I never come to a good, plausible conclusion because my thoughts just drift into something else totally different and irrelevant, and then I go blank.

. . .

I'm not gona blog for another 3 days. Otherwise I feel like I'm losing appeal.

To who?

To myself.

I wana paint my picture,
paint myself blue and red,
black and grey...
all the meaningful colours;
Grey is my favorite colour,
so symbolic..
Help me believe in me,
help me believe in anything?

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 4:31 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Ok, I'm not so jealous anymore. argh. slap slap.

Had a 5 hour long chat sesh with Leon last night til about 2.30 am, geez that guy is smart. He said something that made alot of sense, about expectations and how perhaps the bar for standardised society view of human depth is maybe a bit too high, meaning that shallow can sometimes be ok.

And I decided to start writing with thought again, because I feel my literary skills are waning... Its the reason why I began blogging, so that I'd have some sort of reason to keep on writing after I stopped classes with Chin San Sooi.

Anyway, I'm off to school. Performing Goodbye To You for assembly, though I don't really want to. Wish me luck and hope people don't cry again.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 9:55 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 09, 2005



Jealous.

I'm jealous

jealous

jealous.

Fuck her and her poetry. I can write better.

You watch.

I'm not one to be jealous of other people, but when they're good at something I am, in the same fucking way, the green eyed monster can't help but do its job.

Gutter Kiss Lulu, we're gona come up with some kick ass lyrics.

You watch.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 5:40 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Just a year ago...

Here's a big FUCK YOU to the Australian public for not voting for Dan on Australian Idol.

Ok ok, I know the show's fucking lame, and I've been getting flak from a certain mr i'm-such-an-elitist-non-conformist for watching it, but how can you not fall in love with this??

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He sang Mr Big's 'To Be with You'....you know, that song that goes "I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I hope you feel it too"...and not only that, but he sang a kick-fucking-ass rendition of Unchained Melody summore. Dreadlocks AND sweetness.

I rest my case.

Exams are over, I can officially leave school now, if I want to that is. Not that I have a choice. bleh.

Today, I found out something very, very important: I can no longer go more than one day without my glasses, or I get these excruciating headaches. Gosh I am becoming such a geek. But nevermind, because geeks are cool...shut up. they are.

Had nothing better to do, so I decided to look at some old photos from last year and guess what I found....

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the reason why 15 year olds shouldnt drink.

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...I don't even remember the name of the dude on the left.

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Fringe days.


Missin ya, people.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:35 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, November 07, 2005



Oh man, I don't wana sound like a smart arse, but the exams were just so fcuking easy today. And guess what? I'm tied with this nice girl Erin for top place of the whole fcuking grade for English. I was like, wtf? I don't deserve it. I hardly put in any effort...I just have a nice teacher. Give the position to someone else, for fucks sake.

Ever wondered what I would look like with sexy, curly hair?
No?
Fuck you.
Here are some cool, jus-before-bedtime pictures.
I got the curls by twisting all my hair into a low bun...this technique has to be done with extreme care as to how high you twist, direction of twist and how strong you twist it, or you'll end up with hair too poofy on one side and limp on the other.
Or even worse,
Poodle hair.
Now
LOOK AT THEM
or you're banned from my blog forever.
And no,
I don't know why I'm typing
like this.

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Posted by Closet Groupie :: 7:13 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, November 06, 2005



Library.

3.19 pm.

Fuck fucking fuck, School Certificate (equivilent of O levels) exams start tomorrow.

I know that, if I still were in M'sia, I'd be at home every day and night stressing out and trying to study but not being able to get a single thing in my head.

Instead, I am refuging in the library from my aunt, whom I hate so so so so much, don't think I've ever hated anyone this much before in my life. And I'm not a hateful person at all...but thats another sorry for another post.

I can usually study for hours in the library, but not today...my eyes are tired from crying last night. Yeah, I cried and cried and cried for 3 good hours before finally falling asleep, and today it still hurts...Sam's coming in a few minutes, maybe that'll numb it. I hate relying on guys to make things better, but then again there it is.

And for once, its not guy problems. For a long time I thought it was all my fault, but last night I finally figured it all out, relieved yet hurt that for once my pain is not self-inflicted and therefore completely unfair and uncalled for. I don't think another person has ever make me cry, I've never LET anyone, guys excepted, but thats something else.

Maybe I'm not as tough as I thought.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 3:19 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, November 05, 2005



Oh my god oh my god oh my god guess what people....

THE INTERNET'S FIXED! I HAVE THE INTERNET AGAIN! I CAN BLOG AND CHAT ON MSN AND ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD MUSIC AGAIN!!!

Aaaaah, this feels soooooo good sitting in front of my laptop with the internet working again. And yes, I just realised I sound like a total geek.

I was gona tell you about what I got up to last Friday at the bus stop, but damn malas lah (too lazy/couldn't be bothered). Lets just say it involved me, Shannon (guy from school), a KFC Drive Thru, crispy strips, and a supermarket trolley. You fill in the blanks =)

I recently borrowed a book from the library about the lives of the muses who've inspired men such as Sigmund Freud and John Lennon. I found it really interesting, cos I've always had this secret desire to be a muse...how great would that be?

Also, 3 more days till I'm free free free....I've got soooo much planned to do..:
  • Rehearse garbage's 'only happy when it rains' with amie and janelle, we're performing in a few weeks under the name Gutter Kiss. I wanted the Lulus, or even Gutter Kiss Lulu on the sole basis that it sounds cooler and more original than Gutter Kiss, but Gutter Kiss won, so gutter kiss it is.
  • Find a dress for the formal...its only a month away, and I must be the only girl who hasn't found one yet.
  • BEACH BEACH BEACH!
  • POOL POOL POOL!
  • Tie Dye. This is like a childhood dream of mine...I always wanted to do it when I was a kid just cos it looked so cool, but my mummy never let me, cos it was too much of a hippie thing to do. LOL.
  • Find a piano teacher....I really should finish off grade 8.
  • More beach, more pool, and more tie dye!
Anyway, I'm off to work. Some mexican chick is chatting with me on msn; she found my email addie from a Milo Ventimiglia fan page I have no recollection of joining.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 3:25 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Friday, November 04, 2005

Is this love is this love is this love?

Where do I start where do I start...?

Alrighty, I'l start with the big news....I'm going to M'sia in December. Again. Ok ok, that didn't sound so enthusiastic...I'M GOING BACK TO M'SIA IN DECEMBER FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A YEAR!!

Yah mahn(Yeah man in jamaican accent), I'll be there before Xmas...and this time, I don't even wana go back. No, no....don't get me wrong, I still love you M'sians and everything Malaysian. Its just that, ever since I started working, I've become damn reluctant to rely on my parents for money, and this time my mummy wants to pay for my ticket cos I couldn't be bothered to put another Rm3000 debt to my name. Oh well, here's to another holiday spent playing waaaay too much pool.

by the way, i think some cute dude sitting opposite me is trying to talk to me, but after all the weird/boring/bloody-effing-boring conversations I've had with random strangers in the library, I've lost all hope in meeting someone as awesome as sam. (cue aaaaaaaaaw)

So I'm just nodding along and smiling.

I think he thinks I can't speak english. lol.*sigh*

I'm not liking my second job too much. You see, this other restaraunt is smaller, and the owner, Tawoon, is the only person cooking when I'm there. She's gota be about 55 or 60, and I'm always so worried she's just gona croak (as in die) in the middle of cooking. I've been trying to learn to cook, but omfg I can't cook for nuts...all I can make is curry and fried rice, and so now when I'm hungry at home, I make curry and fried rice. pffft.

My exams start monday and end tuesday...and after that its no more Glenmore Park for me! I've decided to just not go to school anymore after the exams, and instead spend my time playing lots of pool and chilling at the beach...I can't wait, even found the perfect bikini that makes my barely there boobies look, er, there.

Anyone listen to Ben Harper? Last night at work, Sam dropped by just to give me this ben harper double cd, and I've been playing it on my laptop nonstop. That boy makes me so happy. =) But this whole thing scares me, cos I know that when its over, I'm gona go crazy depressed and suicidal.

And I don't need that.

argh.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 2:51 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Wednesday, November 02, 2005



  • In the library, thought I might as well churn out another post just cos I can.
  • I wana write for frankie. its so fcuking cool.
  • Why do guys dig chicks in glasses? I'm getting more attention now that I'm wearing em...
  • ....although the only reason I wear em is cos, well, I can't see much without em anymore.
  • I've been listening to alot of weird music lately. Check out this kickass cute, poppy electronic duo b(if)tek

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 6:59 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, November 01, 2005

irony on a sunday

The weather's been warming up in the past week; the sun's been out, hardly any rain, and the flies've been swarming about, what with the humidity and all, signifying one thing...summer's coming!

And on Friday night, my hippie/stoner/psychotic/amnesic but oh-so-much fun workie Narm asked if I wanted to go to the beach on Sunday, and my reaction was "FUCK YEAH!" because, if you didnt already know, I LOVE the beach, more than I love....the internet. Yeah.

So anyway, I was crazy psyched for this trip....the sun, the surf, the sand, and the coolest people in the world ie sam, narm, leon (pool buddy I met on the train...long story)....what could be better? I was so damn excited, I didnt mind waking up at 6.30 in the morning to get ready. I was so damn excited that, saturday night at work, I jumped around the place telling everyone...the chefs, the kitchenhands, the motherfucker of a boss, even the last few customers, who thought I was crazy. I wonder why, stupid people.

Come Sunday morning, I woke up right on time at 6.30, looked out the window, and....

the bloody rain was pouring not just cats and dogs, but chickens and pigs as well.

But, nevermind, this didn't dampen my spirits (pun intended), and I got ready anyway, beach towels and all, and headed for the beach with Narm. I just decided, hey, if I don't bring an umbrella with me, it won't rain....right?

Boy was I wrong. It rained all day, ALL FCUKING DAY. It rained so much that the guys didn't make it, so it was just me and Narm. It rained so much there was hardly anyone at the beach. It rained so much that the only use of my beach towel was to cover our heads while crossing roads etc since I with my stupid stupid confidence that it wouldn't rain refused to bring an umbrella. The only good thing we got out of the day was that I got to get some photos. Curse the outdated date-stamp, and I couldnt be bothered to photoshop em...

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Ah, public transport. DOn't you just LOVE it? *note sarcasm*

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enough fingers to make a starfish, enough skin to cover the toes...

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Narm and the closetgroupie, and yes I know I look stupid.

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Platform 24

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Arun, cute 4 year old boy on the train I played with to kill time. He kept asking me to show me his scary face, and when I asked for his, this is what he gave me. Little cutie. yeah, I like em young, lol.


Also did a bit of shopping, and even that was no good since I was next to broke, my auntie having taken my money to pay for the piano and all, or So I Thought.

And that, people, is a whole other story I shall tell in my next post. Actually, I have to go home now cos I feel bad for using the internet at amie's and ignoring her. But read on. =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 5:46 PM :: 4 Comments:

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