-About a Girl-

Friday, December 30, 2005

Til I get over you

Oh man, I've been busy. This is the first time since monday that I've been home long enough to churn out a blog post (and only a half decent one at that), so do forgive if the writing gets messy.

Ever since christmas, everything's been a blur; I've been out every day, and some nights, but not with this particular someone that I want. Falling asleep super late on the cold hard living room floor, only to have a totally drunk Nick call me up at 5 am to learn mandarin pick up lines, then waking up early (yes Mel, 11 am is early for me) is no good for a Little-Miss-Scoliocis like myself; my spine's been hurting more than ever, but I'm too damn scared/kiamsiap to go get it checked out.

Bottom line: I have not been having a good time.

Why? Because I'm not getting what, or well, who, I want.

So starting last night, I decided, ah, fuck this. Why bother anymore? No point making so much effort for a guy who likes you but is too damn busy all the time, and going away soon anyway, and so am I in a month. Besides, he's just a rebound guy. Yah, I have a brilliant knack of starting relationships that are doomed from the start. Must remind myself: Kimberley Low Jean-Hee, you do not live here anymore. NO EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS.

Boys, stay away.

What's worse? My stupid, emo, body-too-fat-and-lazy-to-get-ass-off-the-bed-ness is back, sparked by crying uncontrollably to the Notebook from the recent 2 nights in a row movie marathons at my place. Melting over a Ryan Gosling while sobbing my eyes out (at first because of the movie, then because it brought back memories of you-know-who) is not nice.

Its just weird after you break up, innit? When you're together, you know what the person's doing everyday, where they are, if they're ok etc etc all the time, and then you stop talking, and there's the whole mystery (I wonder what he's doing? Does he still eat at that restaraunt? Did he change his hair?) to think about.

I...


wana...




play...






pool.

But I'm too lazy to call up anyone. Did I mention I've taken up belly dancing? All this eating's catching up with me and my super slow metabolism, So I decided to find something new, that I haven't done yet so I don't lose interest so fast.

Okok, I'll stop now. Eh, my maid just told me that some people have been calling the house looking for me, and not leaving their name or anything. Mahai, don't be a dumb ass lah. If you wana talk to me, at LEAST leave your number so I can call you back. Then it would save you the trouble of having to randomly guess when I'm gona be home next so you can call me, and save ME the trouble of wondering all day who you are, right?

*contemplates publishing handphone number on blog...*

Pah...I may be brave, but I'm not stupid. (or is it the other way aroaund?) Whatever. Call again, AND KINDLY LEAVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER THIS TIME.

Sheeeeeeesh.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 2:42 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, December 26, 2005



I got motivated to write after 2 hours of listening to nothing but the Shins, studying the way their lyrics are written. They're woven together in a very unusual matter, and I would love love love to get into the head of the songwriter, ala being John Malkovich, just to see how his mind works. I noticed alot of references to things to do with the sea, ie

"if you took to me like, a gull takes to the wind"

...how beautiful is that?

And more snippets:

"Of course I was raised to gather courage from those
Lofty tales so tried and true and
If you're able I'd suggest it 'cause this
Modern thought can get the best of you

This rather simple epitaph can save your hide
your falling mind
Fate isn't what we're up against
there's no design no flaws to find
There's no design no flaws to find.

...And my favorite:

I'm looking in on the good life i might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am i too dumb to refine?

I can't get enough of them. Now read my poem, and you will like it. Because everyone loves nonsensical poetry. You don't? Shut up and read anyway.

"A Stifling Liaison"
The ghost that taunts,
bringing guilt from the grave

My conscience comes
crashing like tidal waves

Disregarding the world
with a perfunctory glance

I raise my left hand,

I take a stand

As I pay homage,
to a love so epic

And wipe the trivial
look off his face

Heart in hand we soar head first
Up into the wide open space.

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The colourful band on my wrist is from a Thai temple and it was given to me by my boss, a devout buddhist, whom also pratically forced my then-guy to wear one. I wear mine because I somehow feel safe, he wears his because....its too tight to come off =P

I'm pretty sure if you've been reading my blog, you could tell by now I'm not too big on religion; I think it just adds to the world's already overflowing amount of social problems. My family is, however, buddhist (one side of it anyway; and I've given up on christianity, no offense), and I sometimes try to follow the faith as its values and teachings seem pretty logical and reasonable to me. Its more of a way of life to me and not so much of a religion, more than anything.


Posted by Closet Groupie :: 2:37 AM :: 3 Comments:

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Saturday, December 24, 2005



Hey you,

Woke up this morning, happy....

the loft last night was awesome, you would've loved it,

some pix later

Twilight Action Girl are my new gods

Wasted the afternoon away, tired,

Wondered what you were doing,

who you're with...

you should be with me.

played yahoo pool with barry..

mum came and told me i got an xmas card in the mail... from australia!!!

Who could it be who could it be?

My head knew who it was (dan),

but my heart wanted it to be you...you have my address

And someone once told me optimism can pay off in the end

...........

....And it wasn't you

Thanks anyway dan, for the card and the advice, they put a smile on my face =)

then played real pool...

with barry. hahaha.

Had roti bakar and half boiled eggs, love that stuff

checked out books at mph

tried to steal a magazine with the clash on the cover

you would've told me not to

came home

checked the email

maybe you sent me an xmas greeting?

zip.

nadda.

nothing.

just a sign that you're alive, goddamit

you love my brain my company my wit my looks

so why not me?

missing you, more than ever

merry fucking xmas to you too

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:52 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Rock the World VI

Ok ok, stop bugging me, here are the RTW VI pix already. SHEESH. =P

So my mummy was nice enough to send us all the way to Stadium Merdeka even though no one knew where it was.

When we were near KL, my mum asked, "Does anybody know the way there?"
Choon How replied, "To KL ar?", then he pointed in the direction of the KL Tower. OMFG. "If that way cannot, then try the twin towers."

Right......because we all don't know the way to KL. Bloody genius, clap clap clap.

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These four had to cram into the backseat. Thats Jolyn ( i think thats how you spell it), Jake, Choon How, and Daryl with his 200000000 tickets he still hadn't manage to sell. Me and daryl got in with our...

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...VIP PASSES. Thats right, suckers. Thank you daryl! There was even a special entrance for pass holders, nyehehe.

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The view when we got there, about 5 pm.





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the stage from the passes-only area ;p We didn't know what band was playing, so we didn't bother taking any pix, but right after that it was....

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OAG!!!!

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and look its radhi!!So adorable!! Managed to get all these amazing pix cos we were RIGHT in front of the stage where all the media people were, in front of the moshers.

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Radhi with his guitar of which he later smashed to smitherines.

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My fave radhi pic, so so so happy with it.

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ok, the last pic of radhi, I swear. I feel like a stalker. This is him doing an interview right after the performance. Note the gay looking interviewer.

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Daryl, me and radhi. I talked to him a bit, and he remembers me from his acoustic performance in hartamas last year! *starry eyed*

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Interview with hitz.tv

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Me and the guitarist and bassist of OaG. I THINK he's the bassist anyway *malu*

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Daryl with em. I like this pic.

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Next up was Disagree, a grunge rock band thats been doing pretty well in Malaysia for the past 2 years. Im gona be honest and say that I'm not exactly a fan, so here's the lead singer Zahid not looking too cool.

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Obligatory pic I took with zahid, since daryl took one with him at first.

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And then it was....THE TIMES! There's been alot of hype about this brit rock band, what with the lead singer and guitarist being ex-OAG members, and I've been dying to hear them. And goddamit, they kicked ass. They're amazing, could rival Oasis ANYTIME. Ok, maybe not yet...but soon. They're great.

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This is a pic everyone must applaud me for, because it is cool and speaks for itself.

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Me with The Times. They were so sweet and friendly, I love love love them. They're my new favorite Malaysian band...after OAG lah.

There was a break after that and me and Daryl went to go find the rest. We found em sittin on the tracks with some other people. I felt a bit left out cos everyone was deep in conversation with someone else, and every attempt i made to start one came out with me sounding like an airhead.

So we took some pix.

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I love this pic. Jake wasn't posing...that's the look he has on his face most of the time =p

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Next up after the break was Plague of Happiness...I heard the name and I thought they were some emo angsty band so I didnt even bother getting up, but it was.....ska!! And so I got off my ass and ran back to the stage and goddamit they were good.

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Apparently they 'borrowed' Gerhana Skacinta's trumpet player. The energy from this band was incendiary (muahaha, I used a big word)....everyone was getting off their asses and just dancing. Amie, I forgot to ska dance =(

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Awesome pic of the lead singer.

After that was some mat rocker band I hated, it was so fcuking boring it put me to sleep. Most of the crowd loved it though.

Anyway, the next band Furniture (and the last band I watched) was probably the most different from the others. Their sound is melodious and dreamy with awesome build-ups to these big crazy endings.

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This is the lead singer, he looked like a lansi mofo but had the cutest voice ever. Daryl was being mean and laughing, and the stupid mat rocker crowd were being rude....some dude shouted "Aku nak kencing lah!" Funny in a way, but I wanted to smack him in the head.

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We went headed back to subang on the train after that...I am never, ever taking the trains on a saturday night again. So stuffy we couldn't breathe, and me and jolene were sticking our heads out the doors to take a breathe of air everytime they opened.

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And that was that...This year's was waaaay better than 2 years ago in the KLCC car park; makes me proud to be Malaysian. Sort of. Apparently Gerhana Skacinta performed after we left. WITH RADHI. grrrr. But nevermind, we had fun, and there's always next year. =D

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 12:21 PM :: 6 Comments:

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Friday, December 16, 2005

quack quack quack

.....My appeal went through! I'm getting the bloody school certificate! Bless my auntie!

Meaning I won't have to stay back in year 10, and can go on to year 11 to, um, continue on my speedy and wonderous path to a bright and glorious future of fame and fortune and self fulfilment!

Yes, I secretly want to be a god.

This whole good exam results thing is really starting to get to me. I also got some certificate and trophy for something or other, and some dux award. I still think its a stupid word...quack quack quack, I'm a duck. It really bothers me when the oldies go on about my exam results, especially now, its so fcuking amazing to them that I got top of the school. I really don't care, because a) I don't deserve it, and b) most people in Glenmore Park HS are fcuking stupid anyway.

Like last night, I went with my mummy and some Korean aunties for the opening of Shogun, the new Japanese restaraunt in One Utama (sidenote: we koreans don't really like them japs, we think they're self-denying liars but fuck, we love the food). Now, let me introduce you to the world of Korean aunties. They're basically like the typical rich 35-50 year old chinese aunties who don't work, drive nice cars, have rich husbands, have kids who go to private/international schools that charge way too much, and go to lunch/dinner in posh places to occupy themselves.

The only difference is that the Korean aunties tend to dress better, not so gawdy like some of those chinese aunties (no offense), speak korean (obviously), and half of them play golf like, everyday. I swear, its like the official Koreans-living-in-Malaysia past time. They gossip like hell, and once something happens, the whole korean community knows about it. They also like to boast about their kids' achievements at said lunchs/dinners, except the Korean aunties are bloody good at saying it as if they're obliged to tell everyone and their dog.

But last night was worse.

Word got out that I got that duck, I mean dux thing, and all these aunties I'd never met before knew, somehow.

They congratulated me to death and expected me to be so bloody happy as well, and when I genuinely could not give a fcuk, they though I was being modest.

You must be so proud!!! They said to my mother.

You must have big ambitions and plans!!! They said to me.

.......And the worst part?

They were pulling their sons over and introducing them to me.

"Come, my handsome 20 year old korean son who already has a girlfriend, meet Kimberley, she got top of the school! Why are you running away? Ask her for her hand in marriage now, bitch!"

And they all ran away. I think its because I scared them with how much I ate. sigh.

I just realised I haven't put up pix from the formal, so here's just one first of me and shannon (who won best dressed) to entice your taste buds. I know I'm a ghastly shade of white, but I think it goes well with the curls and red dress and lippy. Eat your heart out, sam. I know for a fact that he likes red.

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Rock the World's tomorrow, can't wait. Last chance to get tix from me/daryl. He got me a V.I.P pass, yay, see all of ya there =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 11:57 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Monday, December 12, 2005

Pain junkie

  • So its back to my old bullet point ways, because everyone loves an itemised post.
  • I've been hanging out too much, today's my sorta "off day" from er, social duties.
  • But some people have begun to piss me off, especially girls. Maybe I've changed. whatever. I wana make some new friends. Diana? Karen? Nazleen? anyone?
  • I played pool last night at club 7, and I sucked. I blame the venue and loud music; call me an elitist, but I shall never go back to that smelly joint again.
  • Choon How aka frus says I talk like a bimbo with my fcuked up accent. maybe I am one. who knows?
  • I am now in love with The Who, thanks to barry the britpop elitist. I think he should write for Q magazine, he's perfect for it.
  • I'm turning into a piercing junkie. I want....no need, another piercing. I love, love, love the rush you get from the pain of having something pierce your flesh. I know this sounds really stupid, but when I'm stressed out, I like to get pierced, and the pain from the piercing takes the emotional pain away.
  • I'm thinking of getting my nose pierced...I even dreamed about it yesterday.
  • And, I'm gona get a tattoo....weeeeee!
  • Today I watched one of the most boring and predictable movies ever, Shall We Dance. Jennifer Lopez is a horrible actress, and richard gere is too handsome to be someone who writes wills.
  • But I've kinda been inspired to take latin dance lessons. =D
  • My dear sweet cousin mel wants to be a sailor, or something. She said it herself!
tequila13 says:
im gonna work on a ship.

tequila13 says:
i dont fudging care.

Libertines binge says:
HAHHAHHHAHHAHA

  • ...and I still need him. more than ever.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:59 PM :: 4 Comments:

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Saturday, December 10, 2005



Bloody cibai mahai fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

People, I am screwed beyond screwed.

But first, the good news: I scored 2 Ban 6's ( 90% and over) out of 5 subjects in the school certificate exam (equivilent of o levels, spm etc), and came top in the school!!!!!

Oh joy. I don't really care, but it seems to make the elders happy, and now everyone wants to give me money.

And now, the bad news: *drum roll...*I'm not getting the school certificate!!!

They wont, or perhaps can't, give me the school certificate because I skipped school so much so I didnt meet the requirements, or some shit. Hahaha, very funny right? If it was a newspaper headline, it would read : TOP SCORER IN SCHOOL C HAS TO REPEAT COS SHE SKIPPED SCHOOL SO MUCH. How bloody ironic is that?

In other words, I might not be allowed into St Mary's Senior, and might have to repeat year 10 all over again.

...N
ot so funny anymore. On tuesday, my auntie (bless her) has to go make an appeal for me, since I'm not even there. I didnt even bother staying for graduation....proves how much i care eh? But I'm sure it'll all work out; I've been in situations like this before and have always managed to save my ass in the last ditch. Or it could be just confidence....do anything with confidence, and you shall succeed. =D

So this is where i need your help, dear reader. I know I'm not the most religious person on earth, but since you love me so much, pray your ass off for me, cos I really, REALLY don't wana go thru the whole year 10 crap again.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 3:22 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Thursday, December 08, 2005

Negaraku

Sudoku: Highly addictive japanese number puzzle.

Sudoku sudoku sudoku...thats all I've been doing since the German scientist next to me on the plane tought me the tricks of the trade after laughing at me as I spent about half an hour trying to figure out puzzle 1 of the beginners section in my sudoku pocket book ($12.95 at the airport...the original!), and now I'm proud to say that I'm a fcuking good Sudoku-er. Sudoker. Its amazingly therepeutic, and at times so frustrating that I forget about everything else and MUST complete certain puzzles.

Aaaah, its good to be back.

Like every previous homecoming, I've spent my first few days back on Malaysian soil doing nothing but eat eat eat.

Nasi lemak....ooooooo!

Roti canai....mmmmmmm!

Prawn laksa.....aaaaaaah!

Nasi Goreng....FUCK YEAH!

Words cannot describe the beautiful, ecstatic sensation one feels while slowly devouring malaysian mamak and hawker and kopitiam food for the first time after months of crappy aussie food, blissfully savouring the near-orgasmic flavours as they explode in your mouth.

And teh o ais limau! You have no idea how much I love that stuff, and it never tastes the same when I make it myself in Aus.

Anyway, I'm going to see Narnia with Vinod tonight, even though I fell asleep reading the book. Is anyone going to Rock the World next saturday? I am. And if you want tickets, ask me...my good friend daryl will be so kind as to sell them to you for RM15 instead of the selling price of RM25.

Aaaah, its good to be back.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 2:28 PM :: 2 Comments:

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Saturday, December 03, 2005

Miracle drug

Crying in public in an outdoor cafe is not fun. People stare at you thinking you're unaware, but are afraid to approach you.

Today I took the gamble. And I lost. Sometimes, hope and optimism is good, but it can kill you in the end when the inevitable truth doesn't fit the way you want it to, like I learnt today. If loving someone doesn't make him love you and instead want someone else, what else can you do about it?

------------------------------------------------

"Why do I always end up the groupie?"

"You're not. You don't have to put a label on everything. "

"You know what I mean."

"But you're not. I've never taken you for granted."

"Then what am I?"

"You know I don't see you that way. You're you."

----------------------------------------------------

I guess 'me' isn't enough. I'm always very 'special and different', but not the right one. Not the one he wants.

I wonder what she has that I don't. Maybe she can drive. She prolly has a car. pffft. Stupid hippie. What kind of 23 year old doesnt drive? hrmph.

Pah..I won't diss him. I don't care anymore. don't want to. I just wana forget about all this crap, and be over and done with this phase of my life. If I don't think, I won't remember, and if I don't remember, I won't feel. Right now, I don't want to believe in anything.

So here's me closing this chapter...I'm curious what my fcuked up fate has in store for me next. Another heartbreak for sure, but the good times in between would be oh so worthit, just like this one. Especially this one. I feel like a little girl again, when all that matters is what comes next.

I land in M'sia tomorrow night. Can't wait. =)

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 8:27 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, December 01, 2005

Anything for love

Its 4 hours til the formal, and what am I doing? I'm blogging.

Right.

I've been hanging out with alot of random people lately. Its good, but it doesnt help.

Saw the movie Everything is Illuminated yesterday at the city...we had no idea what it was, we just picked it off the list, and we LOVED it. But damn, those city cinemas smell.

Ok, I'll cut to the chase...I spoke to sam on the phone last night, and now I know why everything's turned out the way it has.

He reassured me that its all gona work out in the end.

That he wanted me to know he does think about me and very fondly of me, but at the same time we can't always have what we want.

That he doesn't want to involve me in whats happened to him, because I don't have to be a part of it. But I want to.

Now that I know why, that I know half the story but not all of it, I'm worried. I'm worried sick, to tears, I think about it constantly...on the way home yesterday, this morning when i woke up, in the shower, while I was having breakfast with a friend..

I'm not one to just say things like this, and I'm not exactly wide-eyed and optimistic when it comes to love. And I can't say I understand nor do I see sense in his choice, given that if it was me in the position, I would have it another way. My only choices are to accept it, or just screw the whole thing, and I chose the former. So for the time being, I'm gona stand on the sidelines and watch, and wait. People are telling me to just forget about him, but I won't. I'm not ready to move on to someone else, nor do I want to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm making compromises with my actions here because if there is such a thing as love then more than anything, I love Sam.

And hey, if love is what love's meant to be, then I'm prepared take a chance. Its worth it.

Posted by Closet Groupie :: 10:25 AM :: 0 Comments:

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